Tag Archives: Movie Review

Terminator: Dark Fate

Hey! I finally got back out and saw a movie!

Nothing screams “I am not a real movie reviewer” quite like me not seeing movies. But some of you seem to like knowing what I think about the latest cinematic releases, and I’ve been letting you down. There just hasn’t been time.

There wasn’t time today, but I went and saw Terminator: Dark Fate anyway, and I have no regrets. It’s a perfect Terminator film, and while none of the reveals were surprising, none of them needed to be.  Linda Hamilton, Natalia Reyes, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were perfect, and Mackenzie Davis¹ absolutely crushed it as the augmented soldier sent back in time to stop Gabriel Luna’s “Rev 9” Terminator. Luna was terrifying, and sure, he had help from the SFX department, but his robosociopath was easily on par with Robert Patrick’s, back when the franchise introduced us to liquid metal.

The film brought to mind an entire category of questions which are getting asked a lot lately:  what does the rise of the serialized franchise mean to traditional cinema? What do direct-to-streaming blockbusters mean for TV? What will all these streaming services do to my VHS² collection?

I don’t have any answers, but I do have a response. See, I remember seeing Star Wars in 1977, and thinking it would be AMAZING to have NINE WHOLE MOVIES telling a story, but I couldn’t possibly wait 27 years for the big finish. 10-year-old me would be pretty disappointed to learn that the central Star Wars saga would take more than 40 years to reach Episode IX, but that kid would shake off the funk when told that I’d get a 3-movie Lord of the Rings³, a 23-movie superhero epic which got told, start-to-finish⁴, in just 11 years, and that the nerdy, weird things I loved were appearing on so many different kinds of screens I wouldn’t be able to watch them all.

The Terminator films are not my favorite film franchise, but they’re pretty dang cool. They’re not be-all, end-all movies, but this latest one crossed my Threshold of Awesome. I’m pretty happy to have lived long enough to enjoy this latest era of cinematic output, and I look forward to enjoying as much of what comes next as I can make time for.


¹ Mackenzie Davis played my favorite character in The Martian. She was the one who figured out that Mark Watney was still alive. It was a small part⁵, but her performance still makes me tear up a little. 
² Ha-ha I kid. I live in the future. I need a way to rip my entire blu-ray collection onto my FitBit.
³ I read LoTR in 5th grade. If any single road can be given credit for leading me out of The Shire it was that one, which my Dad put my feet upon by handing me a book. 
⁴ I know, I know, the MCU hasn’t actually wrapped, but Endgame was a good enough ending that I’d be willing to let it end there. 
⁵ The old saw about “there are no small parts” does a disservice to those scenes where an actor must carry the entire weight of the story for their few moments on screen, and where most it has to be carried without using words. Actors are amazing. 

Ready or Not

I saw the trailer for Ready or Not while watching Zombie Tidal Wave over on SyFy this weekend, and my verdict is that this made Zombie Tidal Wave worth it. My ticket alone probably doesn’t cover the ad spend for the studio, but it’s a start. Thank you for thinking of me!

Ready or Not is a tender, uplifting rom-com about spending the night playing hide-and-seek with your new in-laws who happen to also be clumsy-yet-determined serial murderers seeking to appease their dark lord. So, y’know… a nice break from superhero films. Also, not particularly tender or uplifting.

It didn’t quite cross my Threshold of Awesome because I don’t like being tense, or jump-scared, and it was only almost as funny as I was hoping it would be, but I definitely enjoyed myself. It did not disappoint, however. If I’d been with a couple of like-minded friends I would have been laughing out loud instead of on the inside, and that might have been better.

For me. Maybe not for my friends.

The R-rating is for gore and language, and there are generous helpings of both.

The Angry Birds Movie 2

You may recall my surprise when I loved The Angry Birds Movie, and enjoyed it more than I enjoyed Captain America: Civil War. That’s a pretty high bar to clear, especially for a sequel, but The Angry Birds Movie 2 takes a really good run at it, and, at least in places, out-performs the first film for me.

Here’s a metric. I almost laughed myself unconscious one time (something which I can actually do thanks to asthma). The first film almost did that to me three times. (So, three times it almost did it.)

This doesn’t mean the first film is three times better, or three times funnier—just that it surprised me more. And I suppose that’s more my fault than it is the film’s. I study humor for a living, and went into The Angry Birds Movie 2 expecting some amazing joke-craft, so I was (mostly) ready for it.

YMMV, of course.

The Angry Birds Movie 2 may have an oddly-constructed title (is there an extra word in there?) but it crosses my Threshold of Awesome nonetheless.  I’ll be buying the Blu-Ray, too, because re-watching these films and studying the way the animators, writers, and voice actors work together to craft a joke is, in fact, part of my job, making the disc a business expense.

I’m super fortunate that there are no laws against business expenses being fun, because this film is a lot of fun.

Hobbs & Shaw

The F³ (Fast and Furious Franchise) is now the FFCU (Fast and Furious Cinematic Universe) and I’m just fine with that. Hobbs & Shaw crosses my Threshold of Awesome, and if you can accept that it’s just a sans-a-cape superhero film, I suspect you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.  My Suspenders of Disbelief went TWANG and my Trousers of Sit Here And Have Fun stayed on just fine.

BRAIN: “Cars don’t work that way”
SUSPENDERS: “These are magic cars”
BRAIN: “But… physics?”
SUSPENDERS: “Secondary-world urban fantasy. Different physics here.”
BRAIN: “That guy should be dead. Like, six times over.”
SUSPENDERS: “He’s a magic-super. His powers are ‘punch’ and ‘don’t die.'”
BRAIN: “What about the woman shooting things out of the sky while hanging on to a car as it barrel-rolls through a plate-glass window?”
SUSPENDERS: “I already said ‘magic cars’.”
BRAIN: “She’s not inside this one.”
SUSPENDERS: “Her super-magic is that if her brother asks if she trusts him, and she says yes, she can be super-humanly awesome while touching whatever car he’s driving.”
BRAIN: “That power seems a bit narrow in focus.”
SUSPENDERS: “It’s a good thing the two of them figured it out before he barrel-rolled their car out a fifth-story plate glass window.”
BRAIN: “She let go of the car for a moment there, it looks like. Not touching it.”
SUSPENDERS: “That’s kind of like kryptonite. It adds tension to the scene.”
BRAIN: “Tension. That’s what that was?”
SUSPENDERS: *TWANG* “The trousers are still on, yes.”
BRAIN: “How can you even—”
SUSPENDERS: “MY super-magic is if I trust the movie to be fun, I can suspend all the disbelief.”