As direct-to-DVD movies go, The Last Witch Hunter is surprisingly oh wait I saw this in the theater.
I had fun, but here I am a day later trying to write a review, and the movie has already faded into the meld-haze of urban fantasy “hidden world” films in which a badass protagonist fights ultimate evil. Why did this even get made?
Maybe because Vin Diesel is a giant nerd, and wanted to make a sci-fi/fantasy/horror genre movie that he got to be in?
Look, I had fun during the film. It cleared my Threshold of Disappointment (unlike the OTHER Vin Diesel film I saw this year) and was interesting enough that I did not finish my popcorn or my soda.
But it was predictable, and sloppy, and took shortcuts, and could have been a truly memorable, outstanding addition to a crowded field full of similar things. Here’s a bulleted list of sins which, had they not been committed, could have allowed this film over my Threshold of Awesome.
- Shaky-cam during cool action
- Shaky-cam as a “oh no we’re getting slaughtered” device
- Shaky-cam
- Cliché dialog as a shortcut for selling us an emotional state.
- Immortality as a boon/curse, which (gasp) can be taken away.
- Betrayal we all saw coming.
- Why didn’t you just lead with that?
- If you have little vials of “detect magic,” you should be using them all the time, or you should be explaining that they are expensive/rare.
- Man of few words who seldom shows emotion
- Because he’s tortured by memories
- Which we are going to have to sit through
- But it’s okay because they’re central to the plot.
It’s a long list, I know. A great many genre movies commit these same sins, and are mediocre-to-bad as a result. It’s a good thing I like Vin Diesel, and an even better thing that Rose Leslie (who I’d never seen in a film before) shone the way she did in a cast full of bigger names.
(Note: If there is a sequel that has ZERO Vin Diesel, and is all about Rose Leslie’s character Chloe taking up the Witch Hunter mantle despite being herself a witch, I would pay opening night fancy-seat money. No, wait… just give her a franchise of her own, without the baggage of this film.)
That reminds me:
- A non-immortal character who is interesting, and who we care about, who can be threatened with death to make us feel tension
The Last Witch Hunter enters my list at #20 out of #30. Do I recommend it? When it hits Netflix it might make for a great excuse to have the TV on while you knit something. If you’ve got movie money to spend, though, there are many much better options.


And in an even more amazing, and seemingly impossible twist on that thing everybody knows, not only is The Martian movie as good as The Martian book, The Martian movie is as good a movie as The Martian book is a book.
The film was powerful, and beautiful, and tragic. The various accounts of