link.

To paraphrase inaccurately:

Iceberg B15A, 1200 square miles of frozen surreal-estate, has been predicted to attempt the world’s first observed “reverse calving,” by slamming into the Drygalski Ice Tongue as if to return to the iceberg womb (forget that this particular womb is not the one that spawned it for a moment), but it keeps not happening.

The collision is supposed to be a slow-mo spectacular, and though nobody knows what will happen, they HOPE that it’ll open up some space for icebreakers (the ships, not the party games) to get through to Antarctic stations.

You need some ice cleared? Well, since Human Waste Heat is NOT at the root of the global warming trends (waste HEAT, I said), I recommend applying large amounts of heat to this iceberg very, very quickly. Let’s find out what the hydrostatic effects are of bunker-buster missles. Will the overpressure of a MOAB or Daisycutter be sufficient to crack something that large? Do we have any space rocks handy we can drop on it?

COME ON, people. Sitting around and watching the ice floe is not spectacular, even in slo-mo, if it’s grounded. “There are very few problems that cannot be solved through the suitable application of high explosives.” I’m sure that the race of beings which chopped, bored, and blasted a gap between North and South America a century ago can figure out how to cut up a wee ice cube.

Just be sure to get it on film, okay?

–Howard

Well, I just scripted 8 days of Schlock Mercenary in one sitting. It’s pretty grueling work, you know.

It may not SOUND like much, but the strictures I place on this comic, especially surrounding plot points like I’ve got going right now, make it dang difficult.

The goal: explain a complex spatial/hyperspatial puzzle in one week’s worth of scripts, thus moving the plot forward.
The hurdles: only four panels on weekdays, punchlines required every day, and no out-of-character cabbaging.
The result: I had to add a Sunday strip to the end of the mini-arc to get everything said, but it all came out pretty nicely. I still need to sit down with Chalain (who cannot be bribed to reveal what he knows, so don’t try) and make sure it scans well, but it passed the Sandra test.

I’ve got two weeks of coloring queued up in front of me, and now there are eight days of scripts awaiting my inky-sloppy ministrations. It’s time to get busy, even though it feels like I’ve been busy ALL DAY.

–Howard

link.

The brother of a Utah Marine twice accused of desertion said he and his brother were in the middle of negotiating a $1 million book deal and movie rights up until Cpl. Wassef Ali Hassoun disappeared over the holidays.

Mohamad Hassoun told the Deseret Morning News that his brother's second disappearance in the face of pending desertion and theft charges has soured any interest in selling the missing Marine's personal story.

"There are no current negotiations right now," Mohamad Hassoun said Thursday from his home.


Who BUYS these kinds of books, anyway? A million dollar book deal? Was this supposed to be the story of capture-and-escape, or desertion-and-how-I-dodged-the-charges? I get the feeling the book would have been a skinny work of bad fiction.

I can write bad fiction. Give ME the million dollars. And you’ll get more than just one book, too. Heck, I’ll illustrate the entire trilogy for no extra charge!

Okay, okay… I’m not angry at the publisher for not giving me a seven-figure advance. Good on ’em for NOT giving any money to the Hassouns. Let’s wait until history unfolds before we pay their family to rewrite it.

–Howard

With the tightening of the belt, I don’t get to go out and rent whatever strikes my fancy. We have to PLAN for movie rentals, and borrow things from friends and neighbors where possible. The best rental option is renting things at the local Albertson’s grocery, where new releases are only 99 cents Monday through Thursday, but you only get them for the night. That’s fine — I only need one night to see most stuff.

So… the list. Keep in mind that this is more for ME than for you (whoever YOU happen to be), but I thought I’d share it so you can study the silhoutte my tastes cast in this particular light:

1: Troy
2: Shawn of the Dead
3: Monk Season 2
4: Resident Evil: Apocalypse
5: CSI: Miami Season 1
6: CSI: Miami Season 2
7: King Arthur
8: Catwoman (because Sandra may want to see it… I’ve already seen it once)
9: Without a Paddle

Let’s see… Death features prominently in at least seven of the nine… and it’s the FIRST seven. The Undead feature prominently in #s 2, 4, and 8 (hmmm… powers of two? Coincidence.) (Yes, Catwoman qualifies as “undead,” what with her having been killed and brought back. So does Elektra, or so I hear.) Forensic science is featured in four of the titles (3, 5, 6, and 8), though we won’t argue here about either its accuracy or its believability. Hotties feature in 1, 4, 7, and 8, but be aware that I distinguish between “hot” and “attractive” in such a way that I can admit to being both turned on AND creeped out by Angelina Jolie (#1), Milla Jojovich (#4), and Halle Berry (#8). Crazy people can be found in all of them, I think. I mean, I can’t say for sure about King Arthur, but just based on the trailers I’m confident that mental illness of some sort is a plot point everywhere else.

Car chases? Dunno. Probably at least four of them. Sword fighting? At least two. Explosions? I have no idea, but the smart money is on “all of the above.”

Oscar nominations? Not a one of them, I suspect. And that’s just the way I like it.

–Howard