Journal

Tub of Happiness update

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Schlock Mercenary: The Tub Of Happiness has crossed the Bounding Main and the Great American Desert, and is due to arrive in My Driveway sometime tomorrow.

Be apprised: the arrival of four-point-six-eight tonnes of printed material in my driveway is not the same thing as “I’m shipping your book now.” Here is the schedule for the next two weeks:

  • Tuesday: shift 3000 books to a storage unit. Break 2000 books out of cartons and begin signing.
  • Wednesday through Friday: Bang out a half-ton of sketch editions.
  • Saturday & Sunday: Ice my hand. Take the weekend off.
  • Monday, December 3rd: Pre-orders officially close.
  • Monday through Wednesday: Finish sketch editions.
  • Thursday and Friday: Sketched and signed books are boxed and mailed all over the world.*
  • Saturday: Release Party at Dragons Keep. If you’re picking your book up in person, that’s the place.

So… if you’ve been wondering where your book is, now you know. It should ship out no later than one week from this coming Friday.

If you’ve been holding off on pre-ordering, don’t wait any longer. The $20 price-tag jumps to $25 on Monday morning, December 3rd, and no non-pre-ordered books will ship until December 12th. You can pre-order Schlock Mercenary: The Tub of Happiness right here.

*Note: This is the official call for volunteers for the shipping party. We’re shipping out of Dragons Keep again. Email sandra.tayler@gmail.com for details.

Journal

Apparently the Writers Guild is on strike…

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So… it would seem that the folks who write most of our prime-time television programming are on strike, and from the rhetoric being spewed by both camps, this could shape up into a protracted battle.

I don’t watch prime-time programming. It occurs to me that I’m a horrible judge for how “important” this strike really is, because I’m not feeling it at all (other than reading the headlines with wry amusement.)

So… I’ve got to ask:

Journal

One of those “make or break” moments…

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A package arrived today, wrapped in brown cardboard and a thick mixture of anticipation and foreboding.

I knew it to contain the advance copies of Schlock Mercenary: The Tub Of Happiness, but I did not yet know with perfect certainty that the copies were going to be, in a word, “shiny.”

I said as much to Sandra, but in different words. As she cut into the box I said “this is the moment where we either know it’s all going to work out, or we discover that we are well-and-truly screwed.”

You see, we opened pre-orders without having seen a real press proof of the product. We had plenty of other evidences (blank book, plotter proofs, digital prints, etc), but this was the first time the whole enchilada was going to appear on a plate, smothered in actual cheese sauce. If what showed up was actually corn husks baked in road tar, the Tayler Corporation was going to have to scramble to make good on a few tens of thousands of dollars of customer service.

That just doesn’t bear thinking about. So of course we opened the box before either of us could spin a proper “death of the business” scenario.

Hopefully in forcing you to sit through all this lead-in before I describe the books I have successfully enabled you to share in a measure of my trepidation.

Oh, the suspense.

The books are gorgeous. Everything is going to be okay.

We got five advance copies. One is for us to keep safe and shiny. One goes to Dragons Keep with me as a store copy for people to peruse. One will probably get handed to my kids. That leaves two.

I am going to turn one of those two into sketch edition 0001/1234, and then put it up for auction next week. This is because I am a soulless mercenary with a sadistic streak.

What of the last book? I don’t know… I just don’t know. There are so many worthy causes to which it could be contributed…

–Howard

Food

A recipe that you wouldn’t think works as well as you’ll find it does

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I got this from my friend Sal, who prepared it for me over open flames at night. I have since modified it to my own taste and cupboard.

2 catfish fillets, thawed, raw, and patted dry
Tony Chacheres “Spices and Herbs” seasoning
Applesauce
Cinnamon
Splenda
Miracle Whip
1 can of tuna in water
Olive oil

You’ll also need a grill. Since I’ve got one with a thermometer on it, I can tell you how hot to make it.

1) Fire up the grill. It needs to pre-heat to about 400 degrees F.
2) Rub the two filets with lots of Tony Chachere’s “Spices and Herbs” seasoning. Use lots, like maybe a tablespoon on each side of each filet. You want it rubbed in so that the fish flat out won’t hold any more seasoning.
3) Spritz (oh… you’ll need a spritzer) olive oil on both sides of both filets. This will help prevent sticking, and will add nice flavor.
4) The filets have “smooth” and “rough” sides. Slap each filet on the grill rough side down. Once the fish approaches being done, it will get very flaky, and you want to avoid having to get the spatula under the rough side as the last step of cooking.
5) Set a timer (oh… you’ll need a timer) for 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

Now… you have 3 minutes and 30 seconds to start making the chutney.

6) Drain the can of tuna, and dump it in a bowl.
7) Add 2 Tbsp of Miracle whip, 1 tsp Cinnamon, 1/4 cup of applesauce, and two packets of Splenda. Stir with a fork until it’s a creamy mess.

8) Assuming you work as fast as I do… grab the spatula, it’s time to turn the fish. If you’re slow, hopefully the timer woke you from your tuna-stirring reverie in time to not burn the fish. When turning these filets you’ll want to take care not to tear them up too badly. It’s a real shame losing good fish to the belly of the grill.
9) Set that 3 minute and 30-second timer again, and check to make sure the grill is staying right around 400.

9) Now you should be able to set the table. This will serve between two and four people, depending on what else you’re serving with the fish, and how big the filets were. Again, you have three and a half minutes. Go!

10) That would be the timer. You shouldn’t have wasted time trying to put down a tablecloth. Pull the fish from the grill, and serve.

The fish will be very spicy, but not unbearably so, and will be exploding with cool flavors. The tuna chutney is sweet (but in a low-sugar kind of way) and goes right on the fish, bite by bite.

This, by the way, is what I just had for breakfast.

Writer, Illustrator, Consumer