I got this from my friend Sal, who prepared it for me over open flames at night. I have since modified it to my own taste and cupboard.

2 catfish fillets, thawed, raw, and patted dry
Tony Chacheres “Spices and Herbs” seasoning
Applesauce
Cinnamon
Splenda
Miracle Whip
1 can of tuna in water
Olive oil

You’ll also need a grill. Since I’ve got one with a thermometer on it, I can tell you how hot to make it.

1) Fire up the grill. It needs to pre-heat to about 400 degrees F.
2) Rub the two filets with lots of Tony Chachere’s “Spices and Herbs” seasoning. Use lots, like maybe a tablespoon on each side of each filet. You want it rubbed in so that the fish flat out won’t hold any more seasoning.
3) Spritz (oh… you’ll need a spritzer) olive oil on both sides of both filets. This will help prevent sticking, and will add nice flavor.
4) The filets have “smooth” and “rough” sides. Slap each filet on the grill rough side down. Once the fish approaches being done, it will get very flaky, and you want to avoid having to get the spatula under the rough side as the last step of cooking.
5) Set a timer (oh… you’ll need a timer) for 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

Now… you have 3 minutes and 30 seconds to start making the chutney.

6) Drain the can of tuna, and dump it in a bowl.
7) Add 2 Tbsp of Miracle whip, 1 tsp Cinnamon, 1/4 cup of applesauce, and two packets of Splenda. Stir with a fork until it’s a creamy mess.

8) Assuming you work as fast as I do… grab the spatula, it’s time to turn the fish. If you’re slow, hopefully the timer woke you from your tuna-stirring reverie in time to not burn the fish. When turning these filets you’ll want to take care not to tear them up too badly. It’s a real shame losing good fish to the belly of the grill.
9) Set that 3 minute and 30-second timer again, and check to make sure the grill is staying right around 400.

9) Now you should be able to set the table. This will serve between two and four people, depending on what else you’re serving with the fish, and how big the filets were. Again, you have three and a half minutes. Go!

10) That would be the timer. You shouldn’t have wasted time trying to put down a tablecloth. Pull the fish from the grill, and serve.

The fish will be very spicy, but not unbearably so, and will be exploding with cool flavors. The tuna chutney is sweet (but in a low-sugar kind of way) and goes right on the fish, bite by bite.

This, by the way, is what I just had for breakfast.