The box I got at Sam’s Club says these “Boca burgers” are “vegan.” I got’cher vegan right here, pal. They taste GREAT when you fry them up in bacon grease.

Howard’s Low-Carb Boca Burger:

Fry two strips of thick-cut bacon, halved. Fry ’em crisp. Don’t drain the grease.
While the bacon cooks, prep the other ingredients: you’ll need thinly sliced onion discs, a pair of iceberg lettuce shells (the whole leaf, popped straight off a fresh head), a slice of cheddar, a pair of Claussen dill sandwich-sliced pickles, and the usual suspects for condiments (catsup, mayo, mustard, miracle-whip, whatever).

When the bacon is done, fry the boca patty in the bacon grease over medium-low heat for about a minute, covered. Flip it (GENTLY, that grease WILL spatter), top with cheese, and cover again for 90 seconds. lift the lid, arrange the bacon in the cheese, and let it go for another 30 seconds (total of 3 minutes cooking time on the Boca patty.

Now, work fast…

Slap onion discs, pickles, and condiments on the burger, and carefully slide the burger into one of your two lettuce shells. Then wrap the other shell around it. This keeps your hands out of the messy bit, while still allowing you to hold it sandwich-style.

Note: once you’ve got it put together DON’T LET GO. That lettuce knows full well that it’s unnatural for a burger to be wrapped this way, and is eager to extricate itself from the delicious bundle, leaving you with burger-in-hand or burger-in-lap. If you’ve used good, fresh shells, and you hold on tight, you’ll be okay though. You’re smarter than the lettuce.

I just finished one of these. I’ve found the Boca patties cooked in bacon grease have some advantages over hamburger patties.
1) No fast-food-joint burger smell in the house.
2) It’s vegan (or it was before the bacon grease) so it’s probably marginally better for you.
3) They keep in the freezer forever.

The disadvantage… you’re paying 60 cents a patty, and tasty though it may be, it ain’t fresh-ground top sirloin.

So far I’ve dropped four of the pounds I gained last week.

–Howard

I’m up too late tonight. Sandra and I stayed up to watch the “Once More With Feeling” episode from Buffy Season 6.

The XBox (our DVD player) was acting up in a bad way, but we FINALLY got it to play.

That episode was amazing. AMAZING. I’m still feeling giddy.

Of course, part of that is that it’s now 9:30 am in Joburg, and part of me thinks I should be up and at ’em. I’m not taking any more sleepy-pills, though. They’re habit-forming (probably not ADDICTIVE, but habit-forming) and they dry me out.

To bed. Tomorrow (well… TUESDAY) is a work-day, and I’m back in the office for the first time since May 21st.

–Howard

p.s. No BVS spoilers, please. I’ve not seen any episodes past Season 6 disc 2.

From the Schlock Mercenary Open Letter.

Today, May 31st, is Memorial Day in the United States. Originally the day was set aside for visiting the graves and the memorials for those fallen defending our freedom, but with so many people getting the day off of work it ends up being spent kicking off the summer with barbecues, boating, and the assorted consumption-in-excess that marks pretty much every other American holiday.

I’m not saying don’t have fun. I’m just saying that now would be a good time to think about why you’re ABLE to have fun. There are soldiers in harm’s way today, right now, and they’ve earned a moment of your reflection, meditation, or prayer.

I just got back from a week in a foreign country. In my travels over the last decade I’ve seen parts of the world where freedom has been very recently earned, and is a little more cherished, a little less taken-for-granted than it is here at home.

They say that God helps those who help themselves. By extension, “God Bless America” isn’t going to happen unless we give a little bit of thought to blessing her ourselves. So please, take some time today to think about the freedoms you enjoy, to give thanks to those who’ve made that possible, and to consider what you can do to make this a better place for all of us.

–Howard

Yesterday I found Kiki (the 9-year-old) dipping pork-rinds in a bowl of what looked like cream cheese. Since I often eat them with french onion dip, and since I love fritos with cream cheese, I dipped one and prepared to pop it in the ol’ cake-hole.

Sandra: “That’s not cream cheese. That’s cake frosting.”

Me: throws the pork rind in the sink in a panic “Cake frosting? Kiki, what are you DOING?”

Kiki: “Daddy, they’re GOOD this way.”

There you have it. I’ll not vouchsafe pork-rinds and cake-frosting for you, but my 9-year-old will.

–Howard