On a lark I bought a “Monster Energy Drink” last night. It’s the low-carb kind, and I figured I’d try it at breakfast instead of my usual fat-burner pill.
(Note: the comments form is not a place for you to shower me with criticism for eating this way, so don’t start.)
Like the other energy drinks I’ve had in the past, this one tastes like cold, carbonated soup made with a variety of !food. No surprise. Anyway, I sat down at my PC and found that my glass from last night was occupying the space I wanted to put the can of energy drink into. This problem has two solutions:
1) Carry the glass to the kitchen.
2) pour the energy drink into the glass, and then throw the can away.
I’m a geek, and a lazy one at that. I took option two, because it conserves energy.
I shouldn’t have done that.
In fact, the first words out of my mouth after pouring the drink into the glass were “I shouldn’t have done that,” punctuated with laughter.
You see, “Monster Energy Drink” looks EXACTLY like urine. Specifically, it looks like the deep, yellow urine you get when you’ve been overeating rich foods, and have not been drinking enough water. You holistic urinalysis types know what I mean — it’s the pee that says “you’re not eating right,” and suggests you pound liquids for half a day or more.
I’m going upstairs to show Sandra my glass of pee. If we’re lucky, she’ll blog about it too.
–Howard “I probably shouldn’t do THAT, either” Tayler
21 thoughts on “I shouldn’t have done that…”
Indeed, you do not ever want to actually see what those energy drinks look like.
As far as I know, they all look like urine. That is why I never pour them out of the can anymore.
This reminds me of the time I had a half-full jug of Arizona Green Tea sitting next to my computer on the floor. I had a girl over, and she knows I like computer games, and it looks *exactly* like the dark urine you get from eating fatty foods. Her eyes went wide as she turned and asked me if I was so obsessed with games that I couldn’t walk 10 feet to the bathroom.
I was drinking a smaller bottle of the same thing at lunch at work one day, and one of the ladies at work decided that it reminded her of whiskey. I suppose it could, but that’s stretching things. I think she’s just a lush.
Well… frankly almost all energy drinks look alike. And they are still beaten by the ultimate energy drink: 60/40 water/applejuice. Which yes… does look like urine as well. 😀
I tried something last week that shouldn’t have existed “Tab – lo cal Energy Drink”. *blech* One sip and it was down the sink.
I agree whole heartedly that it’s disgusting. I had a friend enthusiastically recommend them, so on a whim I bought a 4 pack that was on sale. My reaction was much the same as yours. I gave the other three cans away.
Question for you about the energy drinks and fat burner pills, though – it’s been a while since I’ve tried any of them, there was something in it that made my heart do a jig. Do you have that reaction at all? I’m curious enough to try again, now that my “baby fat” is closing in on her 14th birthday 😉
Usually it’s the caffeine that does that, but there’s a blend of herbs in those drinks that may also bring on the jitters. I’ve been taking fat-burner pills, which have a lot of the same ingredients, and they take some getting used to. The first one I take after a few months of not taking them always sets me a-tremble. After a week they just perk me up a bit, clamp down on the appetite, and make my eyes gritty if I’m trying to take them instead of sleeping.
I’m not noticing anything different from the energy drink. Same stuff, different delivery system.
pseudoephedrine will cause heart palpitations and shortness of breath. Really lovely symptoms for asthmatics. Many of the various ‘energy’ things have ephedrine derivatives in them.
The really nasty thing is this. 1) You have a cold, and asthma. You want a decongestant. 2) The only thing on the market as a decongestant can trigger asthma attacks.
So you have the choice. Suffer from not being able to breathe from the cold, or take the chance of not being able to breathe from the medication.
Oh, ew. I think I’m going to stay away from them – I’m not asthmatic, thank God, but don’t think I want to risk the whole heart palpitation thing during the middle of a form!
Mind you, I found that pseudoephedrine hydrochloride triggered off the problems, but that pseudoephedrine SULFATE did not. This is in me personally.
What I would suggest is that if you do take them, be aware of the possibilities. If you have the problem, it’s not likely to be life threatening. Just don’t take it anymore.
pseudoephedrine sulfate is found in ‘Drixoral’, as I recall. It’s more expensive than most of the antihistamine/decogestants. Funny thing – the current Drixoral is identical to the Dimetapp pills they sold in Canada (and prescription in the US) in the 1970’s and 80’s. The Dimetapp they sell now has no resemblance to the original formulation.
Now THERE’S something that the FDA (or FTC) could go after – completely changing a drug while retaining the same product name.
Failure of truth in packaging.
OH man – that was too funny. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Guess you won’t be buying *that* drink again!
Moster is a great energy drink because it actually has a decent taste (I think so, anyway, and I haven’t tried the low-card variety). Consuming it on an empty stomach is something I always regret though.
And yes, there’s a reason they keep those things in cans. Urine yellow doens’t scream “I’m extreme!” to most people.
Idano…can you think of anything more extreme than drinking urine?
Being a long-time mountain dew drinker, I am fully acclimated to beverages which look like carbonated urine.
Well, yes, but Dew is different. It looks like radioactive carbonated urine.
Reminds me of the time I saw a guy stepping out of the men’s room, and taking a big gulp from a bottle of Mountain Dew at the same time. The juxtaposition was hilarious.
On the subjects of Mountain Dew and energy drinks…
Have you taken a look at Mountain Dew MDX? It’s another one of those entries into the “xtreeme” beverage department, marketed with the catchy slogan “Take back the night!” Artsy bottle, standard radioactive urine coloration, added energy drink ingredients of dubious nature plus about double the normal caffeine.
I like it about as well as standard-issue Mountain Dew, but the 14-oz bottle that costs 50% more than the standard bottle of standard Dew is a bit off-putting. Somehow the sugar-free version of MDX tastes even sweeter than the regular MDX, without that awful aspartame aftertaste that you often get with diet beverages.
Mmmmm… Caffinated liquid sugar. My islets of Langerhans get all giddy at the very thought… *trots off to vendomatic happy place*
Next time on the adventures of Howard Tayler:…
That makes him sound like the assistant to Marlin Perkins.
Howard will now jump down into the pit of rabid pythons and bring up the albino one…
Marlin was so cruel to…Jim?
He’s now busy doing the conservation-talk circuit & various conservation causes. He was guest speaker at our state falconry meet/convention a couple of years ago. Talks about how what you want to strive for isn’t “sustainable living” and such, but sustainable *consumption*.
For whatever reason, my hawk just had CONNIPTIONS at the mere sight of him. She usually was very solid on the fist in crowds (if she’d been fed), but during our club’s evening meet-and-greets (aka “show off your bird and lie about headcounts caught and how big the bunny was that she pulled fur on”) when Fowler came by, she’d just launch herself off the fist in fear. Since she weighed 1,500+ grams, this meant she’d haul my arm along with her half the time. It made for lots of amusing commentary and abuse by the onlookers, particularly since she was the biggest bird there. These itty-bitty falcons would just ignore him, but this massive hawk would get her hackles up and pupils flashing.
So far, about the best tasting energy drink I have found is AMP, which tastes much like mountain dew. (Which is unsuprising, as that is who it is made by) However, none of them taste very good.
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