Is it just me, or is this film incomprehensible?

I had a free rental coming to me (Blockbuster Rewards) and I spent it on the Director’s Cut of Alexander.

This film is beautiful, gorey, sexy, and utterly incomprehensible. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why these people are doing what they’re doing, or what the significance is of what they do next. Sure, there are a couple of driving forces behind Alexander’s push into Asia — his belief that if he goes far enough he can sail home, and some weirdness in his relationship with his mother — but that’s about the extent of what’s making sense. Yeah, yeah, it’s a war of conquest, I get that. But these court and field intrigues need just a wee bit more explaining.

The Director’s Cut was billed as being “faster paced” and “more action-packed.” I have to wonder if they shortened the film by taking out all the bits where Anthony Hopkins explains why so-and-so does such-and-such.

(Aside: Did Rosario Dawson get a nose-job? In Men In Black II, The Rundown, and Frank Miller’s Sin City I remember her left nostril being canted up more sharply than her right, so much so that it was almost comically distracting. In Alexander I’m barely noticing it. Good camera work, digital nostril-tweaks in post, or surgery?)

We stopped watching 2 hours into the movie, because it’s now past bedtime and the film still isn’t making sense. I’ll tune back in tomorrow to see the elephant, provided it’s still in the Director’s cut.

–Howard “I’m really happy I didn’t see this in theaters” Tayler

5 thoughts on “Is it just me, or is this film incomprehensible?”

  1. …And now all that’s left is waiting for CAPalert to finish reviewing it. Because some things are just funny. 🙂

    (NOTE: I’m not mocking CAPalert or what they do, I’m just pointing out that a great deal of their reviews display unnecessary disgust for the titles they are reviewing. And angry people trying to be objective is always funny.)

    1. Thy aren’t ANGRY, it’s just that THEIR method of reviewing is the ONLY truely OBJECTIVE means of reviewing, and no one seems to BELIEVE that, the heathens. People should be grateful that the brave reviewer exposes himself to such trash.

      Really, ScreenIt! reviews somehow manage to accomplish the same thing without sounding like their frothing at the mouth. Or feeling the need to count every cuss word.

  2. Not surgery, Sin city was filmed after Alexander I believe. That being said it was probably camera work and bad angles that made her nose look like it did.

  3. I saw the theatrical release…. it seemed to be nothing more than fight march fight fight march…..
    Kingdom of Heaven was much better although my lady friend disagrees…

  4. Given that Sin City was filmed after Alexander, its probably not due to surgery. Unless she decided that she really liked her minor deformity and wanted it back.

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