Sure, sure, I’m back home with my family, and that’s pretty nice, but my body’s chemistry is not supporting a state of “joy” right now.
I can analyze it pretty easily. My diet has been way off for a week or more, and I’m both tired AND jet-lagged. I’ve not gotten much exercise, nor a significant amount of outdoor activity in the last 10 days. These individual elements conspire to produce torpor, and leave me more susceptible to illness, allergic response, and that weird macroeffect known as a “mood swing.”
Analyzing it doesn’t help. All it does is allow me explain to myself on an intellectual level why I’m going to get through this rather than just curling up and wishing I’d quietly expire. That doesn’t change the way I FEEL.
The really pathetic thing is that I know I could be looking around me at all the things I have to be happy for, but I just don’t see them. The mood swing applies a filter to all inputs, and inbound data that does not match the “curl-up-and-expire” set is discarded as artifactual.
What I need to be DOING (as opposed to how I need to be FEELING) is cranking out some more comics. That always feels good, but I usually have to feel good in order to even get started. So here I am NOT cranking out strips because I don’t feel like it, and that is making me feel even worse.
I can see right through this ridiculous self-reinforcing feedback loop, but only at an intellectual level. Viscerally, I seem to be unable to break free. Picking up the pencil makes me sad.
Truly, truly pathetic.
Hopefully some sleep, excercise, and decent eating will break me out of this. And hopefully soon.