Mood swings

I’m depressed.

Sure, sure, I’m back home with my family, and that’s pretty nice, but my body’s chemistry is not supporting a state of “joy” right now.

I can analyze it pretty easily. My diet has been way off for a week or more, and I’m both tired AND jet-lagged. I’ve not gotten much exercise, nor a significant amount of outdoor activity in the last 10 days. These individual elements conspire to produce torpor, and leave me more susceptible to illness, allergic response, and that weird macroeffect known as a “mood swing.”

Analyzing it doesn’t help. All it does is allow me explain to myself on an intellectual level why I’m going to get through this rather than just curling up and wishing I’d quietly expire. That doesn’t change the way I FEEL.

The really pathetic thing is that I know I could be looking around me at all the things I have to be happy for, but I just don’t see them. The mood swing applies a filter to all inputs, and inbound data that does not match the “curl-up-and-expire” set is discarded as artifactual.

What I need to be DOING (as opposed to how I need to be FEELING) is cranking out some more comics. That always feels good, but I usually have to feel good in order to even get started. So here I am NOT cranking out strips because I don’t feel like it, and that is making me feel even worse.

Pathetic.

I can see right through this ridiculous self-reinforcing feedback loop, but only at an intellectual level. Viscerally, I seem to be unable to break free. Picking up the pencil makes me sad.

Truly, truly pathetic.

Hopefully some sleep, excercise, and decent eating will break me out of this. And hopefully soon.

–Howard

12 thoughts on “Mood swings”

  1. The problem is the solution…

    Hmmm… sounds like its time to cut loose, have fun and draw a week of single-panel action scenes! No pressure to be funny, no specific obligations toward plot (except avoiding contrivance) and you can just indulge in drawing your characters for a while while beating that lurking demon called “low buffer” back into double-digit distance.

    I just think it might be a fun artistic experiment and provide you with a break when you need one and it has the extra bonus detail of providing your fans with pretty screencaps or photoshop-homage fodder.

    Fanboyish as it may be, you have to admit it is a valid idea…

    …though “Play with the kids.” is significantly less fanboyish and probably much better advice.

    – Scott

  2. Your sick

    I think you nailed it. Your body chemisty is messed up from all the stuff you mentioned. The cure is to rest up and eat right. Have a blow of chicken soup. I suppose you could take meds, but those always seem to lead to an eventual dead end.

    Try this, go into denial. Pretend it isn’t there.

  3. All you need to do to get out of torpor is to have a ready vampire perform a directed action at +1 stealth and pay two blood…

    *flees from people who hate the White Wolf mythos and the card game*

  4. Lordy! Can sympathise with mood swings, used to suffer a lot from them myself (get a taste for chocolate that way)

    get some sleep. snuggle down in a warm bed in a dark room and let it all go.

    That should get you feeling better whan you wake…

  5. Sleep, good food, and exercise is always a good way to reset yourself, Howard.

    If anything, in addition to remembering that you have all those good things you say you know you already have, remember that you have the well-earned admiration and friendship of a plethora of people like me.

    People, who even though they have only met you for the briefest of moments in their lives to date (and some of them who prolly haven’t even met you yet!), think you are a swell guyTM.

    The body’ll catch up again soon, don’t you worry. ^_^

    1. I’ll second that. You really are the coolest Mormon I’ve ever met…not that I’ve met that many of them, but still. I’m really looking forward to seeing you again at Penguicon.

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