Three weeks ago I decided that I REALLY needed to take off not only the 5 holiday pounds I gained but also at least 10 of the thirty I’ve been lugging around for the last six years or so. Ever optimistic, I decided to try the “don’t eat when you’re not hungry” diet.

Well, I’m not very good at it. I managed to lose the five, but it was very wobbly going, and in less than a week I managed to put about three of them back on. It’s probably a great long-term diet, and I expect it’s perfect for maintaining a healthy weight once you’ve arrived at one. But for now I have to admit that I’ve failed at it.

That’s just a data point. Back when I decided to lose weight I also decided that certain data points would require a change in strategy. Not losing the holiday five by late January was one of my pre-defined triggers, so as of today I’m low-carbing again.

A low-carb diet is really hard to maintain on a budget, but we’ve got a bit more money than we had the last time I tried this so it should be a bit easier. By default this diet cuts 95% of processed foods out of my meals, and I end up eating a lot more fresh vegetables (low-carb naysayers always come back to “what about vegetables,” and the answer is “shut up. I’m eating them.”) because they’re the perfect complement to the fish, chicken, beef, pork, and cheese that I’m subsisting on.

I also end up eating a lot of clear soup. Cheap, easy, filling, and you can drop all kinds of goodies in it for variety.

In the past my low-carb diets have been punctuated by carb-binges (usually fueled by an addiction to Nesquik.) I’ve kicked the Nesquik habit, and I think I have a handle on the “don’t eat when you’re not hungry” plan, so this time around when I think I just HAVE to have some carbs I’ll make sure I only have ’em when I’m hungry, and I don’t eat past “full.” This should allow me to do things like attend conventions and family vacations without stressing over the fact that the food is all starches and insufficiently tiny bits of dead beast.

I decided that the asthma attacks I had on Sunday were happening because I was LETTING them happen. Cold air or not, this kind of thing has never plagued me before, and I was not about to let it start being a problem now.

So I went out in cold air, and thought very healthy, positive things about my lungs.

It worked. I tightened up a little bit at one point, but it was nothing like Sunday.

It might not be ALL in my head, but I’d like to think that at least a portion of the cure is.

The biggest problem with this new hobby of mine is that my birthday wish-list can no longer be automated with the help of Amazon.com.

I want metal.

Boxes and boxes of soft, white metal, sculpted into fantastic shapes worthy of dreams and nightmares.

*sigh*

When I was a kid my parents would let us pore over the Sears catalog and circle the toys we most wanted Santa to bring us. We always ended up dog-earing and circling almost every page in that section of the book.

My Privateer Press catalog would look the same way if I let myself write on the pages. And don’t get me started on Vallejo paints or Reaper minis.

I’ve never had an asthma attack before. Mostly I’ve had allergy attacks, where a specific allergen knocks me flat for a couple of days — I’ll get a runny nose, wheezing, hives, and body-aches. I think my last really good bout with allergies was the time I pruned the tree.

But I do have asthma. It’s mild, and because I was on a swim-team three decades ago my lung capacity is something like 120% of normal for my size. Asthma knocks that back to about 90% normal, so I almost never notice.

Almost.

Yesterday in church I suddenly felt a cold draft. It got hard to sing. I started to feel weak.Within 20 minutes I was wheezing good and solid, but I didn’t have the runny nose or itches I associate with “somebody dumped pollen in the ducts.” I went home a little early, and discovered that I was kind of staggering around. I took a breathing treatment (albuterol in an industrial strength nebulizer, like they use in hospitals — we got it for the kids back when they were suffering from croup every winter) and the wheezing went away.

Of course then I had to deal with the albuterol side-effects. I was ravenously hungry and I had a case of the shakes that would have had me worried about my career as a cartoonist if I didn’t know it was temporary. I fell into bed and slept it off.

For most of the rest of the day I was dealing with lingering side-effects. I was almost as wiped out as I would be during a full-on allergy attack, but it only lasted a few hours rather than two days. We had friends over for dinner, and the evening was delightful.

When our friends had to leave I walked out to their car with them. The air temperature was 7 degrees farenheit. It felt nice — invigorating, and even a little refreshing. They started their car to warm it up, and then we all headed back inside to talk for another five minutes in the entryway. Two minutes in I was wheezing again.

Cause and effect seemed pretty clear. Apparently sometime during the last few weeks I’ve developed a sensitivity to “sudden change in air temperature” and it triggers an asthma attack. This time around I opted against the breathing treatment, and waited it out. My breathing improved after about half an hour.

It’s cold again today. And now I have an excuse to not go out in it. This does not make me happy, because I’m pretty sure the moment I start using this as an excuse to avoid cold weather I’ll end up with a psychosomatic asthma trigger. Of course, if that’s true then I ought to be able to walk outside and consciously DECIDE not to let it affect me. Hypochondria works both ways, right?