I’ve been mostly flat on my back for the better part of the last two weeks. I’ve complained about the air quality (it’s bad) and my asthma (it’s still around), I’ve pointed at a chest cold as a trigger event, but for the life of me this does NOT make sense. I’m in fine physical condition, I no longer feel sick, but the air around me is just too thin to support life.

I tried muscling through it with albuterol and a positive mental attitude on Friday. That didn’t go well. I walked to Church this morning. That was fine… up until 30 minutes later when I was quietly gasping for breath while doing nothing more demanding than sitting in the pew. So no, I guess that didn’t go well either. I’ve spent six waking hours today flat on my back.

Counting backwards, I think I’ve spent at least 100 waking hours laid out flat in the last two weeks. My workaholism is raging at this impotence.

Part of me knows that I need to be forced to take a vacation sometimes. Part of me thinks that this is all psychosomatic, and that if I can just find the right combination of “can-do” and “eff-you” I’ll be able to get some work done. That part of me was given a shot at things on Friday, and again this morning. He got the “eff-you” part down pat, but I ended up very “can’t-don’t” in the process.

So… I’m off to the doctor tomorrow. Let me tell you, if there isn’t a solid, measurable, medical reason for me to feel this way I’m going to be seriously pissed off. I don’t want to be told that I’ve developed a psychosis that enforces laziness. I want to be told I can’t get any work done because there’s a massive colony of intelligent bacteria slum-lording my lungs out to their unevolved brethren.

Real sick is better than fake sick because sane is better than crazy. (Though I’ve always had to settle for “high-functioning” instead of “sane.”)

Or waiter. Or sushi-chef.

I’ve only got anecdotal evidence supporting this, but the impression I get is that with tighter economic times people are eating out a little less, and tipping a LOT less. The restaurant managers I’ve spoken to (I know a few, yes) have said that average tips have dropped from around 18% to around 10%.

Sure, sure… a lot of us look at tipping as a way to reward excellent service, and will withhold a good tip from a lousy waiter or waitress. But that’s not what’s happening here. What’s happening is that a lot of us don’t want to give up eating out, so we’re cutting back on our tips.

Two things:

1) Be the guy (or gal) who tips well. Start at 20% and round up. Factor that into your budgeting.

2) Crummy service? A low tip just says “I’m cheap.” Unless the service is absolutely execrable, it’s not really your job to discipline your server. Tip your server well, and then call the manager over and complain. If it was really that bad you’ll probably come out further ahead than if you’d skimped on the tip. If not, well… you don’t want to eat there again.

My friend Bob has a great policy when he eats out with a large group. He hands the unsuspecting server a $20 at the beginning of the ordering process and says “I want to make sure this is a great experience for everybody… including you.” At the end of the meal he strongarms the rest of us into tipping a solid 20%. Funny thing… when Bob’s around we ALWAYS have a great time at the restaurant.

But you don’t have to go the extra mile. Just make sure you don’t skimp. Waitresses and waiters are feeling the crunch at least as badly as the rest of us are.