So an advertising salesman walks into The Dragon’s Keep and strikes up a conversation. Turns out he’s selling internet advertising — local businesses buy a spot on this site, and consumers come along, look at a page full of logos, and click on them in hopes of uncovering clues for winning $1,000.

I ask him how many page-loads they get per day. No data. They’re brand new.
Ah, a brand new local company. I ask him about funding, and no, he doesn’t know who the investors are, but yes, he thinks they’re VC funded. Oh, cool. They might have money I can tap.
I ask him where they’re advertising their site for launch. The answer? Billboards, TV, Radio, and football games.
I explain to him that I’ve tried to double-click on billboards, and never yet succeeded. I further explain that Google (and lots of other internet advertising companies) can sell ad space based on the consumer’s IP address, so that only locals are seeing the ads. He says “wow, I didn’t know that.”

I look at the sample image map, and see a field cluttered with logos. I ask what the screen resolution is for the screen-cap. “The what?” is his answer. I explain the question. “Oh. That’s something I need to go find out.” Then I get to rephrase the question for him so it’s meaningful to his web developers.

So… a salesman walks into The Dragon’s Keep in the hope of selling a couple hundred bucks of ad space to the owner (who is not in.) He walks out fifteen minutes later having been told how his employers should be running their business, and why they should be buying advertising from me.

The best part? This was done in front of an audience of DK regulars. The general consensus after the salesman left seemed to be “Howard, you should not be allowed to do that, but we’re glad you did.”

Most of my writings in recent weeks have been in no small measure promotional. This is at least in part because I want to buy a wide-screen television, an XBox 360, and Fable 2. In the spirit of talking about my life rather than my business, here is some introspection…

Man, a big screen would be sweet. And I don’t care what anybody says about the Fable franchise. I loved the first game. Am I a gamer? Heck no. I just want some escapist entertainment from time to time, and it fit the bill perfectly. Can I afford to play Fable 2? Probably not until the next book is finished. Work, work, work. It’s a good thing I love my job.

Unrelated: we had a house full of people this weekend. I love my extended family (read: in-laws) but right now I wish I had the weekend back so I could get more work done (I love my job!) Then again, family time is the reason I work, and I need to remember that. I think my favorite part of the weekend was when my 5-year-old who had been crowded out of his room wanted to snuggle with me on my bed while I watched Mythbusters on a portable DVD player. He is my buddy, and was totally cute when he got bored, rolled over, and fell almost immediately asleep.

Related (to the extended family thing): I love to cook, and I enjoy having a clean kitchen that has been feeding people all day. I do not, however, love not having enough seats for everybody. I also don’t want to move. I guess I need to start budgeting for that coveted expansion to the house, pushing the kitchen and dinette area’s north wall out into the yard by about 15 feet. Guesstimated cost? $65,000. While I’m at it I’d like to expand the garage, take the roof off of that end of the house, and build a rec-room over the expanded kitchen and garage area. Of course that bumps the guesstimated cost up to around $150,000, which was the original purchase price of the house. You folks are going to need to buy a LOT more books. (Ooops! Promotional stuff again!)

I’ve been working with a personal trainer, and it’s been great. My back and neck are stronger than they’ve been in a long time. Unfortunately I’m a) out of sessions, and b) feeling the budget crunch, so I guess I’m going to have to self-motivate and work hard to remember everything he’s taught me.

I think I may be coming down with a cold. Hopefully a good night’s sleep and a few thousand milligrams of ascorbic acid will help.

We’re having a sale at the Schlock Mercenary store. If you spend $100 with us we’ll ship your stuff to you at no charge, no matter where in the world you are.

Many of you residing in Europe, Australia, and New Zealand have justly complained about the high shipping costs. Until now we’ve had no way to address this, short of losing money. But now, with five books in inventory, along with magnets, pins, shirts, and posters, we can go out on a limb and cut into our profits a bit.

How do you want to spend $100? Well… the first four Schlock Mercenary books come to $80. Add the full set of warning-sign magnets for $20 and you’ve got yourself a fanboy (or fangirl) dream-package, and we’ll ship it to you for free.

Chief among the wonderful things you can buy is Hold On To Your Horses, by Sandra “Not Just The Cartoonist’s Wife” Tayler and Angela Call. This lavishly illustrated book will make a delightful holiday gift for that small, hyperactive, pony-loving person in your life. Niece? Cousin? Daughter? Impulse-control issues? Book her.

We’ve accumulated a few scratch-and-dent Schlock books as well. These are going for roughly 1/3 off. $10 for the $15 books, and $18 for the $25 books. They’re in exceedingly short supply, though (less than 20 of each.)

Finally, we’ve got Writing Excuses CDs for you. Just $10 gets you the complete first season, nine hours of DRM-free podcasts on writing, plotting, editing, re-writing, and letting your characters run away with your story. There’s a lot of bonus material as well, including three essays, an entire book, and a pile of desktop wallpapers.

Supplies for this sale are slightly limited. We only have 150 magnet sets left, and once we’re out we’re not going to be able to get more before the holidays are upon us. We have a mere 100 Writing Excuses CDs on the way, but if we run out I think we can get more quickly. Oh, and we’re also down to our last 800 copies of Under New Management, though I doubt we’ll sell out.

Feel free to prove me wrong, though. You maniacs.

We’re running this sale through December 31st. If you want things in time for Christmas, and they need to cross an ocean to get to you, you should place your order by November 24th.

I love the look of the new WaMu Website*, too.

(*Note: No, that’s not actually the new WaMu website.)