20 thoughts on “Voice Post: Christmas Cacophony”

  1. I’d just like to say that this was fun to record, but painful to listen to.

    This is probably similar to the difference between firing a weapon and being fired on.

      1. I wasn’t talking about my voice. I was talking about the audio artifacts introduced between the cell-phone’s cheap mic, the 4-bit audio samples used in the toys, and the compression used by LJ’s voice-post service.

        As a former record-producer and audio engineer I found it truly painful to listen to.

    1. My boyfriend (who, incidentally, is directly responsible for getting me to read Schlock lo those many years ago) said, “Thank you for sharing, Howard. But really, you didn’t have to.”


  2. *grin* Sounds like something Schlock would enjoy getting ahold of – a couple singing festive kreelies, the odd puppy-puppet, and occasional sniper-kitten-singing-critters for the great holiday of SnakTyme.

  3. I’m not going to tell my dad about this. He might decide to compete with your in-laws. He still has his skull head up from Halloween near the front door that says, “Hey! Where you going!” and “I see you!” He insists that he keeps it there are an anti-burglary measure.

    I know he has at least five Christmas singing things. Luckily for me, my kids are teenagers now.

  4. I read the transcript, and then had to play the voice post for my wife. She said “What? It sounds like your in-laws house.”

    I feel your pain. I really do. My mother-in-law has an incredibly overwhelming obsession with both Santa Claus and holiday decorations. She has nearly 250 Santas of various types, and probably upwards of 30 music-playing, singing, and/or moving Santa annoyances, er, I mean toys.

    Fortunately, I only have a 3 year old and a 6 year old to run around setting them all off, and I’m not usually stuck in the house with them.

    But sadly, I have to drive around on Christmas Day, so my favorite prescription anti-noise medication (rhymes with whisky) is unavailable to me for that day, with the hours of Santafication.

    Be strong.

  5. Years ago I worked as a security guard in a Rite Aid pharmacy, where there was a whole aisle dedicated to those little horrors. And without fail, some kid would come in, discover that horrific selection of saccharine, and set off twenty or thirty. Some times an adult would do it, then the look of “Oh god, what have I done?” would come over their face as the looked down the corridor of writhing plastic and fake fur, all bellowing and screeching like a scene from Jim Henson’s rendition of Dante’s Inferno.

    It still haunts me…

  6. Sounds like two trips to Costco are in order – one for the mega-sized bunch of batteries, and one for the mega-sized bunch of headache medicine.

    With that kind of racket, I’m amazed nobody’s head has re-enacted scenes from the movie Trancers…

  7. How does that quantity of fifteen singing toys measure up to the quantity of people in the house, out of curiosity?

    Our large family Christmas parties tend not to feature singing toys, merely the dull roar of thirty people assembled in a single place.

    Merry Christmas, and good luck with keeping what is probably an ever-more tenuous grasp on your sanity.

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