A Record-Setting Fourth

Yesterday was the first Independence Day I can remember in which the following things happened:

1) I did not muck about with a gas grill, nor did I cook meat. (I let my neighbor do it all, while I made flatbread.)
2) I did not buy fireworks. (I let my neighbors buy them).
3) I did not set anything on fire. (I let my neighbors do that, and I sat and watched.)

You may think that as record-setting activities go, NOT doing something hardly counts. I beg to differ. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to just sit with my hands in my lap making small talk while other people light things on fire?

This was also the first Independence day since my engagement to Sandra 13 summers ago in which the two of us have not been together. I suppose I could pretend that I was eschewing flesh-grilling and firework-lighting because I was in mourning, but the fact of the matter is that it was probably the only opportunity I’ll ever have for this kind of an exercise in self-restraint.

12 thoughts on “A Record-Setting Fourth”

    1. Re: Crazy Frog!

      Indeed. I had the song on infinite loop yesterday while I colored. As my friend says, it puts the “Ohhh” back in “OCD.”


      1. Re: Set nothing alight?

        I meant I understand handing over of the grilling,
        by why pass up the chance to set soe fireworks alight.
        or am I the only pyro maniac here?

        1. Re: Set nothing alight?

          But you can vamp up grills! Rewire them! Swap out gasses!

          Roast flesh! Scare neighbors! Vent hostility!

  1. This is the first year in recent memory where I didn’t buy any fireworks either. It could be because of that fireworks ban within the city limits, and that $1000 fine for people violating it…

  2. While I did buy fireworks this year, I also sat back, handed over my trusty Zippo to my cousin’s son and let him do the job. I did help my 5 year old daughter light some sparklers but that’s not the same as exploding things. Ah, well, I’m 38 and now officially an adult.

  3. Are you insane?

    NOT setting things on fire? Not blowing things up?

    Where’s the BLAM? There’s been a noticeable absence of BLAM from Schlock lately, too. Are you trying to go BLAMless??? We’re not going to put up with BLAM deficiency, you know. I demand more BLAM.

      1. Re: Are you insane?

        Well, I’ll give it a chance. But if there isn’t plenty of BLAM forthcoming, we may have to sentence you to a week with firecrackers and handguns. Or plasma cannon.

        Schlock’s last remark today DOES seem to point to a potential for much blammage all over, so I’m more optimistic now than I was. But you had me worried.

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