And this is why Chalain and Pi are such good friends of mine…

An excerpt from the #schlock_mercenary channel on…

<Chalain> Sociopolitical research is
currently underway, but so far they’re having trouble getting
measurements. If you are a guest in somebody else’s house, dropped
toast lands butter-side down also in proportion to how fussy they are
about their carpet times how uncomfortable you feel in their house to
begin with.

<Chalain> If the carpet is also white the chance is actually greater than 100%.

<Pi> Sociopathical research? Where do I get a grant for that?

<Chalain> Self fund, silly. What, you’re stabbing people in the face but you’re too nice to mug them?

<Pi> It’s impolite.

<Chalain> The beauty of mugging your vic^H^H^Hsubjects is
that, the harder you work, the more funding you get. It’s like

<Chalain> Eerily JUST like capitalism.

<Chalain> No, no. It’s impolite to do it incorrectly. There’s
mugging etiquette involved. I’ll send you a pamphlet I’ve got around
here somewhere.

<Chalain> The main thing is, you have to establish up front
that you are mugging AND stabbing. You can’t stab and THEN announce
that you’re mugging; then it looks like you’re a cheap bastard who just
tacked on the robbery to the battery.

<Chalain> And you can’t mug and THEN stab. That’s the worst etiquette possible. You just look like a jumpy mugger.

<DarthNaNoWrimo> I hear the pros work out a deal with the
victims. Cooperating and handing over your money gets you a nice clean
stab wound, away from any vital organs or arteries.

<DarthNaNoWrimo> Something like a nice upper-thigh wound.

<Chalain> DarthNaNoWrimo: See, yeah, that’s pro muggers. For
sociopathic studies, you have to establish up front that the mugging
and the stabbing are not related.

<DarthNaNoWrimo> Ah, right, or else you get the data contamination.

<Chalain> Right. Martin and Fitch [MF2000] proposed that you
could mug first, then stab, IF you commited to a certain form of
stabbing beforehand, such as by writing down the number of wounds to be
inflicted and their locations.

<jerith> What about having the mugger and the stabber as different legal entities?

<Chalain> But Bemrose and Bemrose [BB2003] later proved that
this methodology compromises the spontaneity of the actually violence.

<jerith> As in, $Pi does the stabbing, but $MS does the mugging…

<jerith> Shall we perform some research and write it up?

<Chalain> jerith: I am not allowed to answer that specific
question; I’m under NDA, which is enforceable by having $Pi stab me.

<jerith> Darth, shall we form our own research group and publish the results in opposition to Pi and Chalain [PC2005]?

* Pi pokes jerith with a long pointy stick.

* Chalain mugs jerith.

* jerith stabs Chalain.

* Chalain hands his wallet to DarthNaNoWrimo.

<jerith> Now, what are the data contamination effects of that particular setup?

<Chalain> Well, firstly, there’s a bunch of diet coke on my monitor.

10 thoughts on “And this is why Chalain and Pi are such good friends of mine…”

  1. I have achieved fame at last! I’m not quite sure this is how I would have chosen to achieve it, but hey, notoriety is better than obscurity…

  2. Sigh. It’s interesting how much fun it can be for me to read banter like this and not have any idea what’s actually being said. It’s like watching an African version of Abbot & Costello (if such exist) do the local equivalent of “Who’s on first” in Swahili — it still seems funny, though I wouldn’t know why.

  3. odd question that has no relation to the post above

    how much bribery would it take to see the “Practices of highly effective space pirates” book be published or included as a booklet with an upcoming book?

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