I wandered outside to check on the hornet trap (1 occupant, I’ll get to that in a minute), and when I returned to the kitchen Patches was explaining that there were monsters outside.
I came in during the middle of the conversation at a point which he was explaining to Sandra “No, DADDY kill them with a sword.” Well, good. It’s nice that my kids have such faith in me. Like any good monster-slaying hero (or at least any hero with an eye towards longevity), I asked him for some details. Apparently these beasts make a fearsome noise (GRRKKKKH!) and hide in trees with flashlights. Hmmm…
I was ready to dismiss this as a flight of fancy that just happened to feature me as the hero, until Sandra realized what Patches was talking about. “It’s not flashlights. It’s LIGHTNING. He’s talking about thunder and lightning.”
Oh-HO! I’ve got news for you, kid. Your daddy, brave though you may think him to be, just found that a spider had moved into the hornet trap and laid an egg sac, and that tiny little beast gave him a case of the willies that will likely render him unable to APPROACH the trap, much less open and clean it. Don’t think for a minute that I’m going to head out into the next thunderstorm and wave a four-foot length of high-tempered carbon steel around under the trees. Sure, I’ve got a sword. I’ve got three or four that would make very servicable weapons. But these thunder and lightning monsters, like the spiders I’m mortally afraid of, don’t fight fair. If I succeed in engaging one with my blade, that won’t be the “thrill of victory” coursing through my veins.
The next time these monsters make themselves heard, son, your lily-livered Dad will sit quietly with you in the family room and hope they go away. Maybe if we get lucky lightning will strike the hornet trap.