I watched “King Arthur” this evening with Sandra…
What a bloody waste of time. That’s “bloody,” the adjective, meaning “spattered with, drenched with, drowned in, and soaked clear through with human circulatory fluids.” I’m not using the UK English epithet, though that probably applies too. That movie went nowhere. The only worthwhile moments:
1) a long shot towards the beginning, with people doing their wash stooped over at the shore of a lake.
ME: “There’s some lovely filth over here.”
2) Some dude telling young Arthur why he is the commander of these knights, and what his responsibility will be. Cut to vaguely apprehensive faces of the boy-knights riding off to be trained…
ME: “King, eh? Well I didn’t vote for you.”
I didn’t have the heart to pantomime the coconuts, or quip “it’s only a model” every time we saw castles.
Most of the rest was chopping and hacking and grimy people and “chunky” sword-splatters and smoke and stupid unfinished CGI shots of “Hadrian’s Improbably smooth and perfect 400-year-old Wall.” Oh, and Kiera Knightly in warpaint.
There was some dialog, including some repeated babblings about “freedom,” but it didn’t seem to be worth paying attention to, so I tuned it out.