I came downstairs to write about the evening because I needed to cool off before climbing into bed with Sandra.

No, we’re not fighting or anything. I had a half-teaspoon of Sudden Death sauce in a quarter-cup of mild salsa. When I was shoveling it in I was happy as a (severely addled) clam, but 5 minutes after I finished I let loose a burning belch that told me that my breath was probably halfway to being weapons-grade capsicum spray.

Snuggling someone with halitosis is annoying. Snuggling someone whose respiratory system is leaking tear gas is another matter entirely.

wrote a journal entry awhile back about burping after really spicy meals in which he counseled against the quiet, exhale-it-through-your-nose burp. Your tongue and throat may be pain-gated from all the capsicum, but unless you’ve been eating through your nose your sinuses are NOT hardened against that stuff. He concluded that cultures with spicy dishes tend to be cultures with loud burping because of natural selection: if they burp through their nose, they’ll DIE.

I’ve taken his advice to heart, but as I was typing my last journal entry I coughed. I covered my mouth, and the backblast got in my EYE. Note to self: polite coughing following spicy meals should only be attempted with both eyes firmly SHUT.

–Howard

7 thoughts on “”

  1. Ironic that I should read this when post-Mexican dinner has awoken me with burning, burning, burning heartburn. Every time I try to burp to relieve pressure, it’s like I drank battery acid.

    Oh, geez. What a lame comparison. Of COURSE it’s like that. It’s ACID.

    Looks like something has eaten through my esophagus and up into my cranium. Now THAT’S heartburn.

  2. What about the final location?

    Howard,

    I agree that the mouth can be aclimated to the joys of capsicum; however, the other end of its joyrney doesn’t seem to get used to it.

    Yes I am speaking of last muscle in the body that all food gets to see, the anus. I can eat relatively spicy food with no real effects until it comes time to bit that food a fond farewell.

    Any thoughts?

  3. Regarding output

    Actually, if you have spicy food a couple of times a week, and work your way up to the hard-core mega-scoville additives, you’ll pain-gate your entire tract.

    Capsicum is like that. It is incorporated into creams for medicinal application, because it stimulates the nerves without actual injury (unless they’re overstimulated in a sensitive area, and your body decides you need a blister there — pepper spray can cause that reaction). The nerves dampen their reactions, and the area you applied the cream to can be relieved of chronic pain.


    The effect you’re describing, by the way, is colloquially known as the “ring of fire.” I don’t really suffer from it any more. Sure, sometimes I think “Hmmm… spicy,” but I’m not asquat on the throne begging $DIETY for an end to the pain.

      1. Re: Regarding output

        Local buffalo wings place has a warning on the doors to the restrooms:

        Warning!
        Please wash hands Before using the other facilities in these restrooms.
        Thank you.

  4. Why does “pain-gating” your system sound like “burning out your nerves”? 🙂 I am certain you’ve actually looked into this and made sure you’re not taking neural damage from doing so, but just the concept of stuff That Spicy seems… well… hazardous. 🙂 I guess I subscribe to the “pain is nature’s way of telling you to slow down” theory.

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