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Hee hee… “Vegan” the box says…

13 Comments

The box I got at Sam’s Club says these “Boca burgers” are “vegan.” I got’cher vegan right here, pal. They taste GREAT when you fry them up in bacon grease.

Howard’s Low-Carb Boca Burger:

Fry two strips of thick-cut bacon, halved. Fry ’em crisp. Don’t drain the grease.
While the bacon cooks, prep the other ingredients: you’ll need thinly sliced onion discs, a pair of iceberg lettuce shells (the whole leaf, popped straight off a fresh head), a slice of cheddar, a pair of Claussen dill sandwich-sliced pickles, and the usual suspects for condiments (catsup, mayo, mustard, miracle-whip, whatever).

When the bacon is done, fry the boca patty in the bacon grease over medium-low heat for about a minute, covered. Flip it (GENTLY, that grease WILL spatter), top with cheese, and cover again for 90 seconds. lift the lid, arrange the bacon in the cheese, and let it go for another 30 seconds (total of 3 minutes cooking time on the Boca patty.

Now, work fast…

Slap onion discs, pickles, and condiments on the burger, and carefully slide the burger into one of your two lettuce shells. Then wrap the other shell around it. This keeps your hands out of the messy bit, while still allowing you to hold it sandwich-style.

Note: once you’ve got it put together DON’T LET GO. That lettuce knows full well that it’s unnatural for a burger to be wrapped this way, and is eager to extricate itself from the delicious bundle, leaving you with burger-in-hand or burger-in-lap. If you’ve used good, fresh shells, and you hold on tight, you’ll be okay though. You’re smarter than the lettuce.

I just finished one of these. I’ve found the Boca patties cooked in bacon grease have some advantages over hamburger patties.
1) No fast-food-joint burger smell in the house.
2) It’s vegan (or it was before the bacon grease) so it’s probably marginally better for you.
3) They keep in the freezer forever.

The disadvantage… you’re paying 60 cents a patty, and tasty though it may be, it ain’t fresh-ground top sirloin.

So far I’ve dropped four of the pounds I gained last week.

–Howard

13 thoughts on “Hee hee… “Vegan” the box says…”

  1. I’m torn between buying a box of Boca burgers to try that out, and fighting the low-carb fashion by adding two large kaiser buns to them. 😀

    Frying them in bacon grease sounds like a good way to work towards a coronary, should you do that too often. This is one of those ‘occasional’ indulgences, I take it?

  2. Those ARE good. And yeah, they’re not exactly prime rib, but I have to manage myself on a different kind of diet to keep my blood sugar from going nuts (hypoglycemia) and I have to find ways to get the things I do need with the minimum amount of fat, sugars, and calories or I gain weight.

    Not every thing vegan tastes good. Some things, I won’t subsitute even if I were paid for it. ::shudders:: And some things heavily depend on the brands.

  4. that’s brilliant….

    Burgers… I miss BURGERS in this low-card hell that is atkins…

    This just might save my sanity…

    What’s left of it, at any rate

    1. Re: that’s brilliant….

      The secret is lettuce shells. If there’s a Carl’s Jr. nearby you can order any of their burgers in a lettuce-wrap (they call it a “protein wrap,” the sillies). I recommend the Chicken Santa Fe.

      If you don’t require a round shape, use Romaine lettuce. It’s easier to peel apart with the shells intact, and is just the right shape and size for polish dogs.

      –Howard

      1. Re: that’s brilliant….

        Or, in other areas of the country, at Hardee’s. (Same company, different name.)

  6. Having tried both the Gardenburgers and the Boca Burgers, I can say that the Bocas are definitely better. Skip the Gardenburgers completely. You know, I don’t mind eating vegetarian (“Vegan” sound like someone from outer space), but I refuse to do it because I “have to save the little animals.”
    There is nothing remotely cute or attractive about a cow, other than its smell when its meat is fresh-cooked. I have _got_ to try this.

    1. Save the cows

      *holds up a ‘Save the cows!’ sign*

      I have to protest. Cows are sooo cute!

      *goes on eating his hamburger*

    2. ‘S not to save the cows, its to save the planet, silly!…besides, I’ve *never* really liked beef (except when I was pregnant) so now I have a good excuse to give my mom and my “make the outside brown but the inside should still be bleeding” in-laws! 🙂
      -MaryB

  7. Hmm, how many recipies is this one?

    … and when is the ‘Howard Tayler’ cook book coming out?
    We seem to have had many many good ideas from the Tayler’s Kitchen…

    for most of which ingredients are not availble in the UK.. ah well, local inginuity time…

    RW

    1. It’s gonna be a short book…

      The only recipies worth anything:

      1) chupaquesos
      2) fried ramen
      3) salsa/soy/salad-dressing marinade
      4) biscuit gravy
      5) Perfect Burger
      6) Lettuce-wrapped burger

      –Howard

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