I’ve ranted about the Perfect Burger before. I’d provide a link, but I know full well that page isn’t online right now, and besides, this isn’t about the Perfect Burger. It’s about the Imperfect Burger.

Start with pre-made frozen patties, just like the fast food places use. Grill one. Slap it on an 85-cents-for-an-eight-pack bun. Add a little catsup.

Now, hand it to your two-year-old, and let him nibble on it.

Now put the leftovers (the remaining 90% of the sandwich) in tupperware and refrigerate for two days.

Two days later find yourself hungry enough to eat anything, but too lazy to prepare much at all. With a Very Sharp Knife, excise the nibbly spots from the refrigerated toddler-burger.

Microwave for 40 seconds, rotating once.

Eat.

I swear on my Weber Sub-Silver grill, it tasted EXACTLY like I was at Burger King.

So… grill, slap, nibble, fridge, chop, reheat, and BAM! I’ve reverse engineered BK’s flame-broiled flavor. Have it your way, pal.

–Howard

It’s probably not a first for comics in general, but it is a first for me. In order to get the artwork right on an upcomic strip, I had to finger-paint one of the panels.

I considered, ever so briefly, using india ink. Then I looked at how crappy and smudgy Chopping Block comes out (Lee Herrold is a total hack. I’ll never understand why his stuff is so popular, even with the Goth crowd), and decided that using poster paint would be more professional.

The piece is drying, awaiting scanning now.

–Howard

I had a pretty good day today. I pencilled an entire week, inked a Sunday, and managed to get out of the house for a few hours too.

I’m looking at tomorrow’s calendar, and I see that I’m THIS CLOSE to succeeding in my goal for the week of finishing two weeks’ worth of strips in one week. All I need to do is ink six rows (theoretically that’s two to three hours of work) and then color nine rows (theoretically that’s another two to three hours of work).

I could start at 8am, and be done in time to grill something tasty for lunch (theoretically.)

Crankage!

–Howard

I got up this morning and read today’s Schlock Mercenary, and my first thought was “where’d the punchline go?”

Honestly, at some point SOMEWHERE I swear I thought today’s strip was going to be funny, or at least amusing, but for the first time I can remember, the gag fell COMPLETELY flat for me.

So… if it fell flat for you too, I’m sorry.

If it WORKED for you, and you actually found it amusing, or (and I’d find this hard to believe) you actually laughed out loud, please let me know. I’d certainly feel better, as it would mean that all I need to do is recalibrate my humor receptors, rather than fall on my sword.

–Howard