I just took a Lortab. If this entry stops tracking somewhere in the third or fourth paragraph, you’ll know why.

This morning I failed my dexterity roll rather literally. I was playing volleyball, dove for a ball (which I slapped badly), and then tucked into a right-left shoulder roll (lead with the right shoulder, roll across to the left hip). But I failed my roll, both literally and spectacularly. It ended up being a right-side “shoulder furrow,” followed by a rolling flop onto my back. There were funny noises and sharp pains, but no colorful metaphors because I was playing ball with a bunch of nice ladies from Church.

Ask anybody who has worked with me extensively: I’m quite capable of using foul language. I find it base, demeaning, and unfortunately rather expressive, if in a lowest-common-denominator sort of way. So… it’s not that I didn’t curse because I don’t know how, it’s that there was just enough higher function in my brain to override. What came out of my mouth was a grunt, followed by some throat-charring gutteral groaning as I put my shoulder through a quick self-test to see if anything was broken.

I can tell this is going to get long. Here’s the obligatory ‘More behind the cut’ tag

I’m pretty happy with my collection of Alan Parsons albums. I’ve got all of the “Project” albums except the compilations (which I obviously don’t need), and I’ve got all the post-Project albums. I also have the soundtrack to Ladyhawke, which was a terrible soundtrack (the film’s editors had a hard time fitting it to the film, which is a bad sign right there) but an EXCELLENT piece of listening material.

Shortly after leaving Novell to pursue cartooning full-time, I bought Alan Parsons latest, “A Valid Path,” and that album will, for me, always help me remember the coupling of uncertainty and liberty that described my first month out of the corporate womb.

I thought my collection was complete. I always wondered about the six-year gap between “Gaudi” and “Try Anything Once” (which is, for me anyway, the very best of all Alan Parson’s albums, Project or no), but I’m not hard-core enough to Google it and find out what he was up to.

Well, I found out. I can’t remember the reference that caught my eye, but there was this album released in 1990 (three years after “Gaudi,” and three years before “Try Anything Once”) called “Freudiana,” which was also the last album in which Alan Parsons and Eric Woolfson appeared together. Woolfson is the voice behind the classic Alan Parsons Project hits like “Eye in the Sky” and “Time.” His voice is so soft and smooth… it’s like one of those fuzzy-soft sweaters worn over a silk undershirt. I mean, his voice is AMAZING.

But I digress… “Freudiana” was sort of “The Eric Woolfson Project,” and Alan Parsons worked with him on it, as did several Project musicians, including orchestral arranger/director Andrew Powell and signature-sound guitarist Ian Bairnson. It was a STAGE MUSICAL centering around a journey through the works and world of Sigmund Freud. Needless to say, I had to have it. I found it through Amazon, bought a used copy, and it arrived yesterday.

Wow. I can hear licks that Powell ended up refining on “Try Anything Once,” and that first appeared in “Ladyhawke,” and that’s just the beginning. Parsons’ tunes (the ones that have his name on them) are completely and unmistakably worthy of his good name, and Woolfson’s songs (especially the title track) are every bit as good as the stuff he did on Project albums. There are a couple of tracks in there that don’t mesh with what I imagine the “sound” of “The Alan Parsons Project to be,” but hey, it’s a STAGE MUSICAL, and it’s not like the tracks are bad. There’s a piece on there that reminds me of the innocent days of The Beatles, and a couple of really wacked-out tracks by “The Flying Pickets” that I like more the more I hear them.

So… now that I have MY copy, you Alan Parsons addicts out there can armwrestle over the remaining “Freudiana” copies gathering dust at Amazon. MY collection is complete.

–Howard
p.s. Does anybody out there have a copy of “Lenny Zakatek” (produced by Alan Parsons, and featuring some Project musicians…) they want to part with?

I know my Raid range. I was just outside of “dropping hornet” range, and just inside “maximum soaking” range. I drenched the nest, and nothing landed on, stung, or even tried to pester me.

A few hornets escaped by virtue of not being home when I came calling. There is a baited trap nearby awaiting their lonely, pheremone-guided wanderings.

I would have waited until the nest was dormant for my assault, but it’s so stinkin’ hot that wouldn’t have happened until well after sundown, and I know better than to climb ladders and then use ranged weapons on enemy fighters at night.

–Howard

The wasp’s nest is twice the size of my fist, and has at least 30 wasps, plus twice that many eggs.

It’s at the peak of the highest eaves of the house.

A ladder is now standing on the deck, securely braced, and it will get me within 8 feet of the nest.

The Raid Wasp and Hornet spray has a 20-foot range.

Wish me luck. I’ll be back in 10 minutes… MARK!

–Howard