Journal

Accidental Good-Dad

60 Comments

“Dad, when is it going to be not tilted?” Patch asks. Patch is six, and I have no idea what he’s talking about. I’m coloring comics at my computer.

“What?”

“It’s still tilted.” He gestures at the drawing table adjacent my computer station, a monsterous spring-loaded thing that can be adjusted quite a bit.

The light comes on. Before I started work on XDM, that particular drawing table was horizontal most of the time because I used it for recreation. I painted miniatures on it, and it was usually covered with little pewter figurines in various degrees of undress unpaint. One of Patch’s very favorite things to do was to sit at that table with some fully-painted Cygnaran Stormblades, a few fully-painted Trollbloods, and carry on as six-year-olds are wont to carry on with such toys — making explosion sounds and playing at warfare. I always trusted him to play gently. It was a privilege to play with Daddy’s Stormblades, and he respected that.

But then came the crushing workload of “get this book illustrated in a month,” and I put all my toys away, angled the table for drawing, and there it stayed.

Recently I decided to leave it angled, and to use it for marker-art. Just today, in fact, I markered a fresh background for the comic. Patch’s playground is doomed to remain angled, because the moment I make it flat again it’ll get covered with clutter.

This is not a digression from a first-person, present-tense narrative. These last three paragraphs are what run through my head. Especially the part about Patch’s playground being doomed.

“It has to stay tilted” I tell him, and his face falls. “Did you want to play with some miniatures?” I ask, hoping he can be placated with $200 worth of nigh-indestructible Monsterpocalypse plastic figs rather than 200 hours worth of hand-painted pewter.

“Yeah. I want the Stormblades.”

It is time for me to man up to this “Dad” thing I’ve been doing for thirteen years now. My youngest is my responsibility this evening, and I can make a minor concession.

“I tell you what… go get a TV table, and I’ll set it up for you.”

He does, and I do. And I wriggle past my marker-stand into my crowded closet to fish out a pair of boxy bags whose foam trays protect some 300 or so pewter figs.

“Which ones do you want?”

“The Stormblades. And some robots. And the big robot. The biggest one. And the wreck markers.”

“For bad guys do you want the Trolls, or do you want the Undead?” I’m hoping he chooses the Undead. Alexia Ciannor and The Risen are an easy unit for me to fish out, while the Trolls will required digging into the BIG bag.

He pauses. “Undead.” Good boy.

And so he sits and plays at a TV table next to me while I color. This goes on for half an hour or so, at which point he decides the Undead are not enough of a challenge for the Stormblades, two light Warjacks, and one heavy Defender Warjack. Good eye, son. That’s because you’ve got close to four hundred points of Cygnarans up against maybe fifty points of Undead. No, wait. A hundred. They’ve got an Ogrun with them. But I don’t say that. I get out the Trolls.

Half an hour later he’s done. I send him off for a bath, and I carefully pack everything away.

And I get back to work. I’m way behind schedule. I could have knocked down four strips during that hour, and only managed one and a half. All the packing and unpacking, plus the broken concentration… it’s expensive, time-wise. Oh, and one of the miniatures is broken. I examine it closely and decide it’s an easy fix – it’s not broken pewter, it’s a separated joint. Super-glue and a daub of paint will do the trick.

Twenty minutes later he returns from his bath with his Mom. Sandra lets me know that during bath-time he could talk about nothing besides his hour in my office. I briefly consider calling his attention to the broken miniature, and hold my tongue as I realize that being in my office with me and my expensive toys was the best part of his day — a day that included hours of Lego Star-Wars games with a friend, bike-riding, two different stints on a trampoline, and pizza.

I pick him up and collect a hug. “Goodnight, buddy. I love you.” We part, him off to bed with happy thoughts of victorious Cygnarans, me alone again in my office with introspection.

I realize that the best part of his day was the part that I almost sent him away from, and very nearly ruined after the fact with a scolding. I realize that I almost decided that I was too busy, that he could just play more video games, or make do with a lesser set of miniatures. I realize that if I am a Good Dad it’s only accidentally.

Hopefully the act of writing this down will help me remember to have this kind of accident more often.

60 thoughts on “Accidental Good-Dad”

  3. That’s a pretty good accident. I imagine working from home must make it pretty difficult to manage relations with family at times, but from this post here, I’d say you’re doing a pretty good job.

  4. That’s a pretty good accident. I imagine working from home must make it pretty difficult to manage relations with family at times, but from this post here, I’d say you’re doing a pretty good job.

  5. I am so jealous right now. I wish I had a family.

    As far as the broken piece, you should get him to help you repair it. Reinforce the level of seriousness (not terrible) and the importance of taking responsibility for helping to fix it. Plus, he’ll probably get a big kick out of working with Dad.

      1. I thought about this, and last night I was sure I’d just fix it myself. I didn’t want to jeopardize the happy memories.

        Today, however, I realized that if I make an activity out of it this Sunday afternoon, he and I can make some more happy memories, and I can reinforce the whole “play gently, please don’t drop them” protocol.

        Now I just need to make time. That particular operation requires a large, flat surface.

          3. The miniatures games generally use dice to run their numbers. If he gets to playing with the figures too much for too long, they might start playing by the rules.

  6. I am so jealous right now. I wish I had a family.

    As far as the broken piece, you should get him to help you repair it. Reinforce the level of seriousness (not terrible) and the importance of taking responsibility for helping to fix it. Plus, he’ll probably get a big kick out of working with Dad.

      1. I thought about this, and last night I was sure I’d just fix it myself. I didn’t want to jeopardize the happy memories.

        Today, however, I realized that if I make an activity out of it this Sunday afternoon, he and I can make some more happy memories, and I can reinforce the whole “play gently, please don’t drop them” protocol.

        Now I just need to make time. That particular operation requires a large, flat surface.

          3. The miniatures games generally use dice to run their numbers. If he gets to playing with the figures too much for too long, they might start playing by the rules.

  7. This is a wonderful post, one I’m bookmarking to keep in mind when I have to make this decision as a parent. I’ll need to remember that the path of least resistance will rarely be the most fulfilling.

    That is if I haven’t resorted to calling our dog’s crate “The magic cave” by then. 🙂

  8. This is a wonderful post, one I’m bookmarking to keep in mind when I have to make this decision as a parent. I’ll need to remember that the path of least resistance will rarely be the most fulfilling.

    That is if I haven’t resorted to calling our dog’s crate “The magic cave” by then. 🙂

  9. And, if *EVER* you should doubt the decision to leave the “Standard” workplace… You can look back at this entry and know you did the right thing.
    (NOT that I think you’ll ever doubt it for a minute!) 😀

  10. And, if *EVER* you should doubt the decision to leave the “Standard” workplace… You can look back at this entry and know you did the right thing.
    (NOT that I think you’ll ever doubt it for a minute!) 😀

  15. The traces you leave on the canvas of your son’s soul have far greater importance than anything you can do on that tablet. (Not that what you produce isn’t totally awesome, btw, but hey, I’m just sayin’…)

    Nice essay.

  16. The traces you leave on the canvas of your son’s soul have far greater importance than anything you can do on that tablet. (Not that what you produce isn’t totally awesome, btw, but hey, I’m just sayin’…)

    Nice essay.

  23. This is what you’re working for. It’s all too easy to forget when your nose is up against the workface, when doing the work is what matters, but this why you have the buffer. Not all the time off will be scheduled, and not all of it will be whole days.

  24. This is what you’re working for. It’s all too easy to forget when your nose is up against the workface, when doing the work is what matters, but this why you have the buffer. Not all the time off will be scheduled, and not all of it will be whole days.

  25. What a nice story. It made me smile, and will likely continue to do so, even through the three-essay final I’m taking today. Thanks for sharing.

  26. What a nice story. It made me smile, and will likely continue to do so, even through the three-essay final I’m taking today. Thanks for sharing.

  31. Hee! And why should Patch be content to only play with the plastic miniatures and not the hand-painted pewter? You’re not. 😀

    Good for you for sharing your toys nicely. 🙂

  32. Hee! And why should Patch be content to only play with the plastic miniatures and not the hand-painted pewter? You’re not. 😀

    Good for you for sharing your toys nicely. 🙂

  37. Thank you for sharing this, sir. Considering that my first is due in just under a week, I read this and say, “You are an inspiration to me, sir.” I hope I can do as well, and I realize that it’s going to be a great deal of ongoing work. Thank you for challenging me – I hope I can rise to it.

    1. I think the posts made by both Howard and Sandra are absolutely wonderful to read, as far as insights to and inspiration for parenthood.

      My first is due in around ten weeks… hope yours goes well, galadrion!

      And a big “Thank you!” for sharing, Howard and Sandra. 🙂

  38. Thank you for sharing this, sir. Considering that my first is due in just under a week, I read this and say, “You are an inspiration to me, sir.” I hope I can do as well, and I realize that it’s going to be a great deal of ongoing work. Thank you for challenging me – I hope I can rise to it.

    1. I think the posts made by both Howard and Sandra are absolutely wonderful to read, as far as insights to and inspiration for parenthood.

      My first is due in around ten weeks… hope yours goes well, galadrion!

      And a big “Thank you!” for sharing, Howard and Sandra. 🙂

  39. I can’t even begin to thank you for this reminder of Good Dad-ness.

    I’m going to have to keep looking for my own opportunities to be a Good Dad. Though I’m sure Little B and Big B will let me know when it’s time.

  40. I can’t even begin to thank you for this reminder of Good Dad-ness.

    I’m going to have to keep looking for my own opportunities to be a Good Dad. Though I’m sure Little B and Big B will let me know when it’s time.

  41. Thanks for sharing this. I needed it today.

    “I realize that if I am a Good Dad it’s only accidentally.”

    Remember what you said in this week’s Writing Excuses about how doing the podcast has made you more aware of your process, about the hows and whys of your writing? This post serves the same purpose I think. We all need to look at the big, long view through the lens of such small, but significant experiences.

  42. Thanks for sharing this. I needed it today.

    “I realize that if I am a Good Dad it’s only accidentally.”

    Remember what you said in this week’s Writing Excuses about how doing the podcast has made you more aware of your process, about the hows and whys of your writing? This post serves the same purpose I think. We all need to look at the big, long view through the lens of such small, but significant experiences.

  43. It is for posts like this that you are an inspiration as well as an entertaining cartoonist. It is because you are inspirational that I happily acquire your sketch editions to show off. Win-Win. 🙂

  44. It is for posts like this that you are an inspiration as well as an entertaining cartoonist. It is because you are inspirational that I happily acquire your sketch editions to show off. Win-Win. 🙂

  45. There’s a huge difference between “I nearly screwed this up” and “I screwed this up.” You were on the correct side of the line. Pat yourself on the back for having done right, don’t beat yourself up for almost having done wrong.

  46. There’s a huge difference between “I nearly screwed this up” and “I screwed this up.” You were on the correct side of the line. Pat yourself on the back for having done right, don’t beat yourself up for almost having done wrong.

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