I was making curry yesterday afternoon, and I was making it hot. I have a bottle of 160,000 scoville pepper sauce, which I was injudiciously splorting into the crock pot. I closed up the bottle, put it away, and then VERY injudiciously rubbed my eye.

There was an explosion of pain, and I realized why pepper spray is so effective. I was suddenly blind, not because my eyes didn’t work, but because my eyelids refused to open.

I went to the sink and NEVER DO THIS spashed water on my face. This freed up unbound capsaicin molecules to float off to new nerve endings, resulting in a fresh explosion of pain in new places throughout the orbit of my right eye.

I didn’t panic. I know enough about this stuff to know that since I could still breathe I hadn’t had enough to send me into anaphylaxis (you CAN die from hot stuff, but it takes a lot, and you have to be very unfortunate.) So I hollered at Sandra. “I need help in the kitchen, please.” She may have wondered why I didn’t come down to her office and ask more politely, since my tone of voice suggested something other than “oh, geez, lookit these dishes” was up.

Eyes tightly closed, I explained what happened, and that I needed her help rinsing my eye because I was now effectively blind. I would need to lie on my back while she flushed it. Also, there would likely be screaming and profanity (just because I know the pain is fake doesn’t mean I’m immune to it.) She had to chase off worried children (“Daddy’s blind? I want to see.”) and escort me through the house to where I could lie down, and then we got started.

The flushing was quick and exceptionally painful. It felt like sand in my eye. Specifically, White Sands Missile Range sand on the day of a nuclear test.

Then it just felt like that whole side of my head was on fire. But that fire was more akin to the “this curry is way too hot” fire, and I realized that THIS pain wasn’t debilitating. It was just annoying. I’ve overdone it with the hot sauce before. I know this feeling. So I left my eye alone. I was now able to open it, so I did what any sane person would do — I walked to the mirror to survey the wreckage.Contrary to what the nerve endings had been leading me to expect, it looked completely normal, if a little red from the flushing.

There is a wonderful side-effect from dumping too much pain into your system at once: endorphin release! I knew this was coming, and I also knew I wasn’t going to get much work done while my eye burned so distractingly. I decided to lie down for a nap. I had been wanting one anyway, and these circumstances closed the deal.

It was the best nap ever. I slept deeply for an hour, slumbering in the happy embrace of a natural chemical high. When I awoke my eye felt better, and I felt very rested and very refreshed.

I’m never ever taking a nap this way again, though.

I just found a new feedburner feature. I’m turning it on, and turning it loose.

<script src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/SchlockRSS?format=sigpro" type="text/javascript" ></script><noscript><p>Subscribe to RSS headline updates from: <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/SchlockRSS"></a><br/>Powered by FeedBurner</p> </noscript>

Put that code on your web page somewhere. That will give you the latest Schlock Mercenary strip wherever you want it.

I am really loving RSS.

For years my only experience with anything remotely RSS-like was the LJ Friends Page, which is (in essence) an internal syndication system that allows external feeds for people who upgrade to paid accounts.

Once Schlock Mercenary had its own RSS feed I realized that I needed to start trying to consume this feed in different ways. After all, I’ve had people tell me for a couple of years now that my comic is the only one they read on its own website — everything else they read, they read via RSS.

I started by adding the Schlock feed to my friends page. If you’re on a paid account, you can add it here. (And please do! It’s a great place to comment on the strip via LJ, because you can confidently post spoilers! Also, you can spread the comic around because sometimes bored folks check out their friends friend pages. Adding the feed is like a public service!)

Enough plugging. On with the story…

Next I started looking for other feed-readers and aggregators that would provide me with a similar experience. I don’t want a list of links in a side-bar, like Sage provides, though I can see how some folks would. The Bookmarks Toolbar isn’t for me, either. I want a “friends page” format. And I got it using the Google Reader. I’ve dropped several comics and other feeds into my Google Reader account, and using the “Expanded” view from the “View All” link, I get just the results I want.

Wow. Never more will I need to click on the OOTS website to see if Order Of The Stick or Erfworld have updated. I’ll get notification (not the comics themselves, sadly) right in my Reader. Also, piles of Failblog, Lolcats, InsectPod, and other stuff. COOLNESS.

About a year ago I was discussing disruptive technologies with fellow webtoonists. RSS fits the bill. I get the sense that in a couple of years anybody without RSS is going to be an also-ran, and the big dogs will be the ones who embraced it to the fullest and exploited it.

Nuke Tom Smith.

Nuke him with MONEY.

Songwriter and performer Tom Smith was injured on stage in late spring. His livelihood depends on him traveling to conventions and performing, but now he is trapped in a wheelchair undergoing physical therapy.

He’ll be fine, but he is missing the 2008 convention season entirely, and is racking up medical expenses instead of income.

If you’ve been paying attention to sites other than mine, you’ve probably seen plugs for the Mr. Smith Goes To The Hospital fund-raiser from notables and luminaries like Randy Milholland, Phil and Kaja Foglio, Rob Balder, everybody at the FuMP, and Steve Jackson. The plugging, pleading, and exhortation has been drawn out across the summer in order to maximize the benefit to Tom, and it has fallen to me to go last.

I am, to quote Rob Balder, “the last nuke in the silo.” And that means YOU are my warhead. I’m just the delivery vehicle, expelling hot gas from one end in order to deliver you to the target. You are the collection of refined emitters which, when grouped properly, attain that miraculously powerful state called “critical mass.”

Unlike a plutonium pile, however, you will be rewarded with more than just a warm feeling for depositing your surplus energy on the target. You’ll get access to more than 40 covers of Tom’s songs by some of the best and funniest musicians he knows. Plus you won’t be annihilated.

Enough metaphor. Tom Smith needs you to donate some money, and I’m asking you politely to help him out. I like Tom a lot. He has given me smiles when I really needed them, grinning at me like a fool and hugging me within an inch of my life. His music makes me laugh, cry, and cheer exultantly in turn, and I want to make him as happy as he’s made me.

Here is the page with the donation button on it. Follow it, and send what you can. As an incentive, here is some free music: it’s called “Rocket Ride” by Tom Smith, and it’s being covered by the talented Steve MacDonald.

Listen. Enjoy. Donate.