I spent the afternoon and evening at Dragon’s Keep yesterday after the “movie.” I wrote my movie review at the Keep, trying out passages of text on innocent (?) bystanders and friends.
After a while I got thirsty, and realized I needed to go fill my 64-ounce mug at 7-11. While there I was tempted by a “1/4lb bratwurst and cheddar” hot dog.
I’ll make this short. DON’T MAKE MY MISTAKE. I’ve had bratwurst. I’ve had cheddar. The thing that Raj helpfully slipped into the bun was made of neither. It tasted like beef jerky and cheez-whiz. I was hungry enough to finish it, but I shan’t be getting another. (Unless, of course, it’s FREE, it’s the only food available for miles in any direction, and I’m withering in the last stages of starvation. At least that way my death will be quick, as the jerked cheez-whiz stops my weakened heart.)
Okay, let’s start with my instructions to you: no matter how enticing I may make this film sound, do NOT spend money on it. Don’t see it in the theater, and don’t rent it. Buying the DVD would be a crime against humanity. For that matter, don’t bother seeing it for FREE, either. Spending your TIME on this film is a crime against your employer, your family, and the Baby New Year. You would be better off using an hour and thirty-four minutes eating junk food and watching Weather Channel repeats you’ve accidentally TIVO’d.
I’m serious. If I find out that you went and saw this film after I told you not to, I’ll phone your friends up and tell them to go to your house and pour ants in your bed. And when you wake up screaming, covered in ants, you’ll think “at least I’m not still watching BloodRayne.” long-winded rant behind the cut
This morning I’m preparing to do a 40-minute presentation to a classroom of twenty-seven 10-year-olds. I’m on in (checks clock) 35 minutes.
And then this afternoon, Shaggy (from Dragon’s Keep) and I are going to see Bloodrayne. You’ll get a review of this I-hope-it’s-a-stinker on the front page of the site. It’ll be a real shame if the movie has any depth, because as busy as I’ve been, I’m ill-prepared for something intellectual.
I’m wondering why there’s been no fresh Homestar Runner for a month now. The “main” page still says it was last updated on December fifth.
In other news, for certain non-positive and non-negative integer values of “X,” it is now “20X6” (pronounced “twenty-ecksdee-six.”) Where’s my blue hair? (I’ve GOT really cool boots.)
–Howard
(Note: I’m using the first definition here for the word “integer.” You math nuts can take a chill pill in advance, safe in the knowledge that I know YOUR definition exists, but I choose not to use it.)