An excerpt from the #schlock_mercenary channel on irc.nightstar.net…

<Chalain> Sociopolitical research is
currently underway, but so far they’re having trouble getting
measurements. If you are a guest in somebody else’s house, dropped
toast lands butter-side down also in proportion to how fussy they are
about their carpet times how uncomfortable you feel in their house to
begin with.

<Chalain> If the carpet is also white the chance is actually greater than 100%.

<Pi> Sociopathical research? Where do I get a grant for that?

<Chalain> Self fund, silly. What, you’re stabbing people in the face but you’re too nice to mug them?

<Pi> It’s impolite.

<Chalain> The beauty of mugging your vic^H^H^Hsubjects is
that, the harder you work, the more funding you get. It’s like
capitalism.

<Chalain> Eerily JUST like capitalism.

<Chalain> No, no. It’s impolite to do it incorrectly. There’s
mugging etiquette involved. I’ll send you a pamphlet I’ve got around
here somewhere.

<Chalain> The main thing is, you have to establish up front
that you are mugging AND stabbing. You can’t stab and THEN announce
that you’re mugging; then it looks like you’re a cheap bastard who just
tacked on the robbery to the battery.

<Chalain> And you can’t mug and THEN stab. That’s the worst etiquette possible. You just look like a jumpy mugger.

<DarthNaNoWrimo> I hear the pros work out a deal with the
victims. Cooperating and handing over your money gets you a nice clean
stab wound, away from any vital organs or arteries.

<DarthNaNoWrimo> Something like a nice upper-thigh wound.

<Chalain> DarthNaNoWrimo: See, yeah, that’s pro muggers. For
sociopathic studies, you have to establish up front that the mugging
and the stabbing are not related.

<DarthNaNoWrimo> Ah, right, or else you get the data contamination.

<Chalain> Right. Martin and Fitch [MF2000] proposed that you
could mug first, then stab, IF you commited to a certain form of
stabbing beforehand, such as by writing down the number of wounds to be
inflicted and their locations.

<jerith> What about having the mugger and the stabber as different legal entities?

<Chalain> But Bemrose and Bemrose [BB2003] later proved that
this methodology compromises the spontaneity of the actually violence.

<jerith> As in, $Pi does the stabbing, but $MS does the mugging…

<jerith> Shall we perform some research and write it up?

<Chalain> jerith: I am not allowed to answer that specific
question; I’m under NDA, which is enforceable by having $Pi stab me.

<jerith> Darth, shall we form our own research group and publish the results in opposition to Pi and Chalain [PC2005]?

* Pi pokes jerith with a long pointy stick.

* Chalain mugs jerith.

* jerith stabs Chalain.

* Chalain hands his wallet to DarthNaNoWrimo.

<jerith> Now, what are the data contamination effects of that particular setup?

<Chalain> Well, firstly, there’s a bunch of diet coke on my monitor.