Best nap ever… never doing it this way again

I was making curry yesterday afternoon, and I was making it hot. I have a bottle of 160,000 scoville pepper sauce, which I was injudiciously splorting into the crock pot. I closed up the bottle, put it away, and then VERY injudiciously rubbed my eye.

There was an explosion of pain, and I realized why pepper spray is so effective. I was suddenly blind, not because my eyes didn’t work, but because my eyelids refused to open.

I went to the sink and NEVER DO THIS spashed water on my face. This freed up unbound capsaicin molecules to float off to new nerve endings, resulting in a fresh explosion of pain in new places throughout the orbit of my right eye.

I didn’t panic. I know enough about this stuff to know that since I could still breathe I hadn’t had enough to send me into anaphylaxis (you CAN die from hot stuff, but it takes a lot, and you have to be very unfortunate.) So I hollered at Sandra. “I need help in the kitchen, please.” She may have wondered why I didn’t come down to her office and ask more politely, since my tone of voice suggested something other than “oh, geez, lookit these dishes” was up.

Eyes tightly closed, I explained what happened, and that I needed her help rinsing my eye because I was now effectively blind. I would need to lie on my back while she flushed it. Also, there would likely be screaming and profanity (just because I know the pain is fake doesn’t mean I’m immune to it.) She had to chase off worried children (“Daddy’s blind? I want to see.”) and escort me through the house to where I could lie down, and then we got started.

The flushing was quick and exceptionally painful. It felt like sand in my eye. Specifically, White Sands Missile Range sand on the day of a nuclear test.

Then it just felt like that whole side of my head was on fire. But that fire was more akin to the “this curry is way too hot” fire, and I realized that THIS pain wasn’t debilitating. It was just annoying. I’ve overdone it with the hot sauce before. I know this feeling. So I left my eye alone. I was now able to open it, so I did what any sane person would do — I walked to the mirror to survey the wreckage.Contrary to what the nerve endings had been leading me to expect, it looked completely normal, if a little red from the flushing.

There is a wonderful side-effect from dumping too much pain into your system at once: endorphin release! I knew this was coming, and I also knew I wasn’t going to get much work done while my eye burned so distractingly. I decided to lie down for a nap. I had been wanting one anyway, and these circumstances closed the deal.

It was the best nap ever. I slept deeply for an hour, slumbering in the happy embrace of a natural chemical high. When I awoke my eye felt better, and I felt very rested and very refreshed.

I’m never ever taking a nap this way again, though.

50 thoughts on “Best nap ever… never doing it this way again”

  1. Ugh – not fun. I’m glad the nap helped, and I”m sorry you pepper sprayed yourself.

    But I confess to laughing at this bit: “Daddy’s blind? I want to see.” Mostly because I can imagine my kids doing the exact same thing.

    How did the curry turn out?

    1. The curry’s not done yet. I simmered the stock for about six hours yesterday (coconut milk, Masaman paste, sugar, carrots, walnuts, cashews, and raisins), and then put it into the refrigerator. Today I’ll be heating it up and adding chicken, shrimp, and chopped onion.

      But the spoon check five minutes ago (a nibble of cold curry for breakfast) said that it’s going to be fantastic. A little sweet, very spicy, and full of interesting flavors.

  2. Ugh – not fun. I’m glad the nap helped, and I”m sorry you pepper sprayed yourself.

    But I confess to laughing at this bit: “Daddy’s blind? I want to see.” Mostly because I can imagine my kids doing the exact same thing.

    How did the curry turn out?

    1. The curry’s not done yet. I simmered the stock for about six hours yesterday (coconut milk, Masaman paste, sugar, carrots, walnuts, cashews, and raisins), and then put it into the refrigerator. Today I’ll be heating it up and adding chicken, shrimp, and chopped onion.

      But the spoon check five minutes ago (a nibble of cold curry for breakfast) said that it’s going to be fantastic. A little sweet, very spicy, and full of interesting flavors.

    1. I think I’ll be joining him. Chuckling and feeling guilty about it. ^^;;

      Damn. Now you know how it feels being on the receiving end of one of Schlock’s shots from the plasma gun! =^-^=

    1. I think I’ll be joining him. Chuckling and feeling guilty about it. ^^;;

      Damn. Now you know how it feels being on the receiving end of one of Schlock’s shots from the plasma gun! =^-^=

  3. Holy pain in the eye, Batman!

    I can almost relate – I was cutting up habeneros for my omelette one morning, and then went to take out my contacts. Not such a smart move, but a tenth of the fun you just had, at the very most.

    1. I learned the hard way that the oils from habeneros stays on the hands for a lot longer than I thought. I managed to get some in my eye the day after I’d cut one up for dinner and after I’d washed my hands several times. Painful but oh so yummy.

  4. Holy pain in the eye, Batman!

    I can almost relate – I was cutting up habeneros for my omelette one morning, and then went to take out my contacts. Not such a smart move, but a tenth of the fun you just had, at the very most.

    1. I learned the hard way that the oils from habeneros stays on the hands for a lot longer than I thought. I managed to get some in my eye the day after I’d cut one up for dinner and after I’d washed my hands several times. Painful but oh so yummy.

  5. Water’s not bad for capsaicin if you use enough of it (regular deluge) and always direct the flush from the nose end of eye to the ear end.

    But what really works? Milk. Honest. Something in the milk fats/solids binds up the oil-based scoville badness. Then you flush the milk out with water.

    1. I was wondering about that myself, since milk is good for neutralizing the taste of spicy foods. But wouldn’t the milk be somewhat bad for your eyes? I presume you’d have to wash out the milk after with water or something like that.

  6. Water’s not bad for capsaicin if you use enough of it (regular deluge) and always direct the flush from the nose end of eye to the ear end.

    But what really works? Milk. Honest. Something in the milk fats/solids binds up the oil-based scoville badness. Then you flush the milk out with water.

    1. I was wondering about that myself, since milk is good for neutralizing the taste of spicy foods. But wouldn’t the milk be somewhat bad for your eyes? I presume you’d have to wash out the milk after with water or something like that.

  7. Just an idea

    I was taking a quiz the other day about just such a thing as happened to you. All I can say is that water is DEFINITELY a bad idea. If this happens again (and I hope it never does), try some half & half. (Yes, you can use milk products in the eye.) The oil will help remove the capsaicin and the oil of the pepper.

    Again, I am sorry this happened. I am very glad you are OK.

  8. Just an idea

    I was taking a quiz the other day about just such a thing as happened to you. All I can say is that water is DEFINITELY a bad idea. If this happens again (and I hope it never does), try some half & half. (Yes, you can use milk products in the eye.) The oil will help remove the capsaicin and the oil of the pepper.

    Again, I am sorry this happened. I am very glad you are OK.

  9. Owie! But “Daddy’s blind? I want to see!” had me laughing, because, yes, very typical.

    At least the curry is going to turn out well. It sounds YUMMY.

  10. Owie! But “Daddy’s blind? I want to see!” had me laughing, because, yes, very typical.

    At least the curry is going to turn out well. It sounds YUMMY.

  11. they’re right. Milk is your friend. followed, I guess, by water to wash the milk away…

    Some of the curry houses I frequent have a drink called “lassi” which is basically milk and yoghurt and optional sweetness (you can get other flavours, like mango lassi. I’ve yet to see collie-dog flavour)

    but these are all much better for quenching a hot curry than water.

    BTW, don’t mess with chilli and then go to the bathroom without washing your hands first…

    1. I find it better to simply not directly handle chillis at all. A pack of a zillion rubber gloves (like csi) isn’t that expensive, stops you chemically burning your skin of your hands (yep, done that) and also serves as a very handy reminder not to rub your eye..

  12. they’re right. Milk is your friend. followed, I guess, by water to wash the milk away…

    Some of the curry houses I frequent have a drink called “lassi” which is basically milk and yoghurt and optional sweetness (you can get other flavours, like mango lassi. I’ve yet to see collie-dog flavour)

    but these are all much better for quenching a hot curry than water.

    BTW, don’t mess with chilli and then go to the bathroom without washing your hands first…

    1. I find it better to simply not directly handle chillis at all. A pack of a zillion rubber gloves (like csi) isn’t that expensive, stops you chemically burning your skin of your hands (yep, done that) and also serves as a very handy reminder not to rub your eye..

    1. The curry was SOOO GOOOD.

      It’s a masaman curry. Coconut stock, sweet/spicy, with a huge collection of flavors in it. And yeah, really hot.

      But not nearly so hot as the pepper-oil concentrate that I was using to make it hot.

    1. The curry was SOOO GOOOD.

      It’s a masaman curry. Coconut stock, sweet/spicy, with a huge collection of flavors in it. And yeah, really hot.

      But not nearly so hot as the pepper-oil concentrate that I was using to make it hot.

  13. Note to self: NEVER rub your eyes BEFORE washing your hands.

    It sounds silly but works whether you are cooking, doing yard work, or making explosives in your basement. 😉

  14. Note to self: NEVER rub your eyes BEFORE washing your hands.

    It sounds silly but works whether you are cooking, doing yard work, or making explosives in your basement. 😉

  15. Because I’ve been listening to “Writing Excuses” a lot lately (I’ve had a temporary 15-minute commute from American Fork to Provo the past week. And I was in a hurry. And I was going to say you are that smart, though this post makes me reconsider…), and because of that, I could easily hear you telling this story in your actual voice. I think that made it that much more amusing. 😀

  16. Because I’ve been listening to “Writing Excuses” a lot lately (I’ve had a temporary 15-minute commute from American Fork to Provo the past week. And I was in a hurry. And I was going to say you are that smart, though this post makes me reconsider…), and because of that, I could easily hear you telling this story in your actual voice. I think that made it that much more amusing. 😀

  17. I once had a friend bring back a bottle of something touted as “the hottest chilli sauce ever” from Canada. I put a tiny bit on one finger, and tasted it carefully. Not bad. Strong, but not blowing the back of my head off. Nevermind, back to talking about toy soldiers.

    About half an hour later I scratch the outside corner of one eye. That was not even slightly fun at all.

  18. I once had a friend bring back a bottle of something touted as “the hottest chilli sauce ever” from Canada. I put a tiny bit on one finger, and tasted it carefully. Not bad. Strong, but not blowing the back of my head off. Nevermind, back to talking about toy soldiers.

    About half an hour later I scratch the outside corner of one eye. That was not even slightly fun at all.

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